Rediscovering My Creative Enthusiasm

To Kill a Mockingbird, 6/12 

I was really fortunate to join some 8th grade students and a group of teachers to attend this masterpiece. What was profoundly striking to me was the relevance of this piece for us in 2019.

I was sitting next to an african American Woman and felt the reaction from her as the play evolved. I found myself aware of my white privilege in a way I didn’t when reading the book. The production created an experience for us all that was inescapably uncomfortable.  As I watched the story being told with Sorkin’s added dramatic moments that were not in the book I shuddered.. At one point, Atticus is guarding the cell outside and a group of hooded KKK come to take the prisoner- the lights went out in the theatre and we could only hear chains and see flash lights scanning us. It was a taste of true fear despite the knowledge that we were in a theatre, the tension was palpable. I was impressed with the set design, as pieces rolled in for the Finch’s porch and similarly for the court scenes. The ease with how the set would silently swoop in a transport us to another location was invigorating. Something I won’t have the chance to do in my own productions but how wonderful to experience the best of the best on broadway. I was impressed with Celia Keenan-Bolger’s performance as Scout along side Will Pullen and Thomas Michael Hammond – those three characters told the story and the innocence and honesty juxtaposed with the brutality of the racism of the adults was undeniably the most powerful aspect of this staged production. I could have gone back and watched this many more times and found so much more to immerse myself in. This play was epic. 

Frankie and Johnny in the Clair de Lune, 6/13

I had the honor of going to this production with my colleague Susan Glass. We were not expecting the opening scene which was two naked actors simulating passionate sex for quite some time! This production was a blast from the past with a very 1980/1990’s feel. References to a time in NYC when people were just coming to terms with AIDS and the dangers of one night stands, mixed with the deep need for human contact from two lonely, damaged individuals finding themselves together one night. The set was a realistic New York apartment- Johnny cooks in one of the scenes and one can escape into the space as the lovers hash out those intimate discoveries and conflicts. Seeing Audra Macdonald and Michael Shannon was a rare treat as they are both exceptional actors and I quickly slipped into their world. It was additionally a treat to dissect the play with Susan afterwards- reflecting on their performances, the themes of the play and the choices the director had made. 

Moulin Rouge, 7/9

I watched this in early previews – I wanted to jump in and see it before the rest of the world found out how amazing it would be. I have been waiting for the stage production of Baz Luhrmann’s movie since I saw it in 2001. As you enter the theatre you immediately immerse yourself in the experience – the windmill turns, dancers in cages move seductively along with many ensemble members who wander the stage staring at the audience. The show begins with a type of ring master and quickly you enter into a romantic fast paced world in Paris. The 70 songs that are written into the music are all music we have heard before. There are exciting numbers where two very popular numbers are mashed together and delivered with such velocity you become swept up in the emotions of the experience. Unlike any other musical experience, these songs are pop songs- there is very little original material and yet the mastery that went into putting such a collection of songs together to serve the love story and create the atmosphere of a sexually charged theatrical experience is outstanding. If you are a traditionalist, this is not for you- My colleague Susan Glass probably would not be content to watch this show, but for me, the excitement of something innovative and different, capturing my heart with so many songs that matched each of the story’s moments was a true delight. I especially admired the set design and the following day actually communicated with Derek McLane who was the designer for the show and discovered he worked for two years on developing the Moulin Rouge. I wonder if it would ever make it to LREI in years to come… one can only hope! 

Looking Back and Looking Forward

Through the self-study and its call to action, I attended 9 theatrical productions this year that have genuinely enriched me as a theatre practitioner and have lit many fires in my spirit that I plan to use to fuel my work as I move forward. I would not have pushed myself to do this without the support of the self study work this year and Mark Silberberg on my shoulder as I jumped into new perspectives. I am filled with gratitude. 

Key insights that the self-study has provided me about my practice.

Starting the process of my self-study began with a sincere acknowledgment of what my professional and personal challenges were and realizing through the activities and peer feedback that there was a different way to perceive those challenges and to embark on a journey to formalize what I needed to do to overcome them. I was able to use the exercises in the initial summer reflection and first meeting to see that I was not finding balance in my time at work and home, working long hours and weekends and finding little space for rejuvenation and that I had persuaded myself that this would be the status quo.

Through the self study practices I found that in many ways I was able to make time if I prioritize my needs, have the courage to articulate them to people and ask for support. I was able to actually change my circumstances. I discovered that, just as I had suspected, I need to attend theatre regularly as this is my passion and my vocation and over time I had been missing the injection of theatre that I craved. I knew deep down that I needed to experience theatre in many forms to continue to renew and refresh ideas, creativity and joy in my work. I discovered that I also gained support when I asked for it. That in fact, articulating the need for support when my schedule became very demanding, I actually got support in ways that eased the intensity for those weeks. On a personal level to make the best of this process I had to overcome feeling vulnerable and gain the courage to advocate for myself with the support of the self-study cohort’s backing. Often just knowing we were all in this journey together gave me enough of a boost to continue to take action.

My biggest reaffirmation is that attending theatre engaged so much of my creative enthusiasm that I became a better practitioner both in class and in my directing. Creativity is infectious- I was inspired and found new ideas exploding in me, with newfound confidence and reignited  excitement in the valuable work I do with our students. 

Areas where I am committed to ongoing inquiry/growth.

I really was only able to start attending the theatre more from spring break onwards and feel that the shows I attended brought so much inspiration and education that I plan to keep this up as much as possible in the years to come. One perception I am still grappling with is the possible reaction that colleagues might not see the validity in me attending theatre as in their world it’s entertainment rather than an educational experience. I agree that for most, going to the theatre isn’t about their job but for me it’s like attending a workshop; I analyse the set, the lights, the atmosphere before the show starts, the costumes, the direction, the choices the director makes, the delivery from the characters and the perceived desired impact of the production. I learn so much from the experience I walk away fully charged and inspired. If I have the opportunity to attend with one of my theatrical colleagues or my husband who was an actor for many years, I am able to dissect the show and gain even more insight and inspiration.

In addition to getting myself to a play or a musical, the other challenge of finding balance in my day to day life and production cycle is going to need vigilance as I continue forward. My default setting is to put my needs at the bottom of a rolling list and keep myself there. I had to work hard on addressing that if I continue to ignore my needs and fail to factor the need for balance in my life, I will eventually burn out and be no good to anyone. I found that when I was prioritizing balance, I was a better teacher, colleague and leader.

Resources and supports I’ll need to realize these calls to action.

This year I hope to take any and all opportunities to attend theatre and get my students to join me.  Afterall, if I am inspired, no doubt they will be too! I hope to join the educational memberships of BAM and possibly St. Ann’s Warehouse to add more varied experiences. I will discuss budget for professional development to try to help with the financial challenges that I face when attending shows. I’ll search for ticket deals and educator discounts. I will continue to advocate for myself when I need time during those hectic weeks of production and I will continue to assert my needs when it’s appropriate so I don’t neglect the time I need to rejuvenate. I will have to have a way to imagine my cohort is still backing me! I know Mark Silberberg will! 

Where I’d like to find myself five years from now with respect to my practice.

In five years I hope to have a routine in place where I see several productions a year, have solid connections to more theatre education programs and to be a working professional who has navigated an ideal rhythm that keeps me energized and creative and able to balance it all. I want to be able to have been a role model for others in my department with regards to replenishing our need to feel connected to our art and also the need to find time for ourselves when many of us follow a similar cycle of intense weeks during our school year. 

Insights that have relevance to the wider community.

My big “take away” from this year has been that it’s very beneficial to stop and reflect on how we’re doing periodically. Sharing personal or professional challenges to a small group of peers and gaining feedback and support from them might at first make us feel vulnerable but before we know it, we find courage and perspectives within us that help us unlock solutions and unstick us from the place we were. What I have learned in this cohort is already affecting how I can be a better person, a better teacher and a more connected, passionate participant in my environment.  What I have learned is that enrichment is an effective tool in increasing productivity, courage and passion. I have learned that if you don’t find time in your day to rejuvenate, you find yourself gradually depleted over time and you risk being less than your best. I am very grateful for the opportunity to have had this experience. I look forward to the years to come. 

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