Social challenges we want to work on
Here is a list of some things that we came up with individually on which we want to work:
- Feeling good doing things alone
- Be more helpful to others around me
- Work on being friendlier
- Be more polite
- Being more popular with kids my age
- Making more friends
- Resisting pressure from friends/peers
- Having a good reputation
- Build stronger relationships with teachers
- Not talking too much
- Working with others
- Talking to others
- Knowing if someone is serious or not
- Getting along with influential students
- Expressing my feelings
- Being without my parents
- Calling someone I want to know better
- Having a best friend
- Improving my image
- Understanding the effects of my actions
- Being able to settle arguments peacefully
- Doing what I want to do
- Goal Setting — 13 — Think about what you want to accomplish socially – such as maybe having just a few close friends – and then find ways to meet those goals.
- Self-Coaching — 12 — Develop a voice inside of you that keeps reminding you of your social weaknesses and strengths when you’re with other people (for example, it might say, “Don’t be shy,” or DOn’t hog this conversation,” or “Don’t act too tough with these folks.”) Let this voice help you to make better social decisions.
- Using Your Strengths — 12 — Think about your strengths and about what you can do for others. then develop some relationships by collaboration and altruism – helping others with your knowledge or your abilities. Use your strengths to reach out to potential good friends.
- Experimenting — 9 — Think of new ways you could seem, talk, or act. Write these down and try them out. Then observe how they’re affecting others and how they make you feel.
- Interest Sharing — 8 — Find others who have interests like yours and get into activities with them that you enjoy. Build social cognition while having fun.
- Confiding — 7 – Talk with a friend, brother, sister, or someone else you can trust about different social life challenges and the best ways to handle them.
- Counseling — 7 — Find an adult you can trust and see if that person can give you social advice and coaching.
- Evaluating — 5 — Find some kids who are having social problems and try to figure out what they are doing wrong and whether you’re doing the same things. Then think about how they (and maybe you!) should be trying to make changes in seeming, talking, or acting right.
- Modeling — 3 — Spy on some kid(s) who you think are close to the way you would like to be socially to see how they see, talk, and act (what is it they do right). try out some of their ways.
- Record Keeping — 3 — Maintain a social diary. Each night review the day’s important social events and describe how you did with your social challenges. Then write about what you might do differently next time. Rate your success daily.
Peer pressure is the pressure to seem, talk and act a certain way, a way that fits with what others expect from you. Sometimes kids put pressure on each other on purpose and sometimes it just happens. What if you don’t happen to agree with or like what others want you to be?
There are a lot of different ways to be normal in middle school. Everyone has a right to be different — as long as it’s not harmful to them or anyone else. Kids often experiment with or try different ways of fitting in. Some of these experiments are safe and others have too high a price to pay for fitting in.
Consider any of the question above and or the topics addresses in chapter 2 and leave a comment. Try to add on or reply to comments that have already been left. You can start your response with something like, “I agree with this idea because,” “I see things differently,” “This makes me think that,” or “Another example of this is . . .”
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I agree with being a part of a group makes me feel good because i feel like im not alone.
I agree that it feels better to not be alone because if your alone you feel like you cant do as much.
I agree it feels better when your’e not always alone, but sometimes you might want some alone time. (you might not want to be with your group.)
I agree with you. I mean, honestly, who like being alone? Also, I think having your own “group” is like having friends that have good conversations with each other.
I think that for the most part you are right but there are some people who don’t enjoy the company of anybody but themselves.
i agree with onjae I would want friends but I wouldn’t feel bad if I didn’t have any as long as I don’t have friends because I am mean because I just don’t want any. Because I like being with my friends not alone
I agree with you because sometimes, I feel like i’m alone, but being in a group definetly helps me feel like I have some friends that care about me.
Some interesting ideas here. It seems like there are times when we get value and meaning from being alone and there are times when being connected to others is really important. I wonder if the key factor here is choice. That is, am I the one choosing which of these situations makes the most sense at any given moment or are others making the choice for me? Choosing to be alone because others have excluded you probably isn’t something that you’d seek out. At the same time, being pressured to be with the group when you’d rather be alone could also be hard. So I think that finding the right balance and having the control to do it is important. What do others think?
I think having a best friend is a big social idea because that person will help protect, stand up for, share thoughts and secrets with, and have play dates with.
Agreed I think that having a group or one really good friend/s. You share what ever you want with them since you can trust them. Hang out dont talk about people behind there back just talk about yourself
I agree with you, I think it’s really helpful to have a group of friends that you can trust and you know that they won’t go behind your back and they will stand up for you no matter what.
I also agree because then you know you have people for you and that have you back.
I agree I think having one group of friends s really important, and you can tell them any thing to and have people you know are their for you . and to not be alone.
To add on to Jaquie you can just really be your self .
I agree with Ryann having a friend there to stand u for you makes you feel protected
instead of u I meant up
Is there a difference between having a group of good friends and one best friend? I’ve seen people get so focused on the need to have a best friend that they miss out on other friendship opportunities that while maybe not as deep as a best friend could have been pretty important.
being in a group of friends mean that you have more then one best friend. and you can spend more time with one friend then the others but still be best friends with the others just a beter friend with one
being part of a group makes me feel like I can do some stuff socialy
I agree
I agree with that setting goals to do things that are good for your social cognition. They help reach your goals very easily
I also think that being part of a group is good but sometimes it can hold you back from doing some things. Maybe some people in your group wouldn’t want you to be friends with a certain person because their “weird”
I agree with being a part of a group because i feel like people have my back and I’m not alone
I agree that being in a a group makes me feel good because you have people that can maybe get along with you better than a sibling.
I know some people like that
I also think that is try and that you can trust people always and that you have friends.
Being in a group makes you feel good because you get to connect with your friends and learn about how you work well with others. But sometimes it is good to be independent.
I think we decide what group we want to be in by who relate to the most or who we like in certain groups. This will therefore determine parts of our personalities because the people we hang out with or play with may influence us by using peer pressure.
i like to be indepentent
I disagree. I think having a bestfriend would make things more complicated. I don’t like the idea of having to always be around for you best friend. Why not just have a lot of really got friends so that you feel more… liked.
I agree that it is a good feeling to be part of a group because you can develop friendships with multiple people. On the other hand, being independent is also good because you can’t always rely on other people to be there for you.
I agree with river so that if I’m not in a group it would probably make me feel left out
I agree with Cameron G. I think having just one best friend might not make you satsifiade so I just have a lot of good friends and I still like that.
Working with others might be good and might be bad. If you calibarte and put all your ideas together in a group you might get somewhere. But if you disagree and don’t callabrate then that can be bad. I think it is a always good to put all the ideas in one space that is fair.
I agree that it is a good feeling to be part of a group because you can develop friendships with multiple people. On the other hand, being independent is also good because you can’t always rely on other people to be there for you.
A lot of really good ideas here and we can see that there are a variety of perspectives on the importance of groups and how they can support us and make us feel good about ourselves. At the same time, groups can create pressures that make us sometimes willing to not always be true to ourselves and what we think is important. What do you think are the characteristics of a group that really respects the individuality of its members and that also has a strong sense of the group as a community? What are the characteristics of groups that don’t always respect these differences and say that you have to act a certain way to be a member of the group?
I agree that you feel better when you have friends because you are not alone.
I think that it is important to be in a group that supports you, so you don’t feel like you have the pressure that is described in the past chapter. I think you should be in a group where you feel really comfortable being yourself.
I Feel like it is good to be in a group because you have people to go to when ever you want too.
I think that some people exclude others to make themselves feel better. They might also want to exclude someone because they are unsure of them self. I also think that a person can be part of more than 1 group. In other words, they can have friends from many different groups. Also having a best friend can be very useful because you know that you can rely on them and you can trust them too.
In chapter 3 I think when Jarvis asked the ppl who had tattoos and stuff. Why they had them and they said they liked the way it looked. I think some of them were lying cause they wanted to seem “cool” but maybe some of their styles were influenced by other ppl who had them?.
I think that it might not be a good idea to abandon good grades, and everything that will get you ahead in life just to be popular. Is there a way to be both? Ugh. This is difficult
It feels good to be part of a group that excepts you. If you are all alone you have no one to confide to.