A few weeks ago sixth and seventh grade parents got together for our annual Parent Adolescent Issues Evening. Through a series of interactive prompts, parents explored and shared a wide range of ideas about what it means to parent an adolescent. Some of those ideas are captured below.

DURING THE MS YEARS OF ADOLESCENCE, I’M EXCITED FOR MY CHILD TO:

Explore/New Experiences:

  • learn and explore
  • experience some of the most powerful exciting feelings of her life
  • experiment …..responsibility
  • to see my son have a girlfriend or a crush and how he handles it
  • have many experiences

Be confident:

  • become more confident
  • gain security
  • develop a healthy self attitude
  • advocate for herself

Independence:

  • become more independent
  • realize he can do exciting things
  • learn to navigate the city on her own

Self-awareness:

  • discover a lasting interest
  • find things he loves doing
  • define himself
  • continue to better understand herself and others
  • become his own person
  • figure herself out

DURING THE MS YEARS OF ADOLESCENCE, I AM WORRIED THAT MY CHILD WILL:

Parent Relationships:

  • Become distant from us/parents
  • Not be honest with me
  • Leave us parents out
  • Hate his parents
  • Shut me off
  • Not include me

Negative Peer Pressure:

  • Get distracted by social demands
  • Fall in with the wrong crowd
  • Be influenced by peer pressure
  • Be negatively influenced by her peers
  • Not be true to himself. Try to fit into groups that aren’t good for him
  • Get pregnant
  • Compromise his own well-being to please others
  • Drugs/alcohol
  • Not make good choices around drugs, sex, and alcohol
  • Exchange good influences in her life for bad ones

Physical Changes:

  • Be self-conscious about her body
  • Won’t be able to deal with the oddities of physical change that can happen

Negative Feelings about Oneself:

  • Have a hard time learning to be himself
  • Not fully understand her privilege
  • Feel terribly vulnerable
  • Lose his sense of empathy
  • Think a mistake she makes is permanent

Online/Internet Issues:

  • Spend too much time online
  • Waste his life on the Internet

Platonic/Romantic Relationships:

  • Will have her heart broken by a boy
  • Have his heart broken
  • Lose her friendships with boys
  • Lose friendships
  • Lose his friendships with girls
  • Have trouble sharing feelings when she needs help

Being Left Out From Friends:

  • Become alienated from her friends
  • Become a victim
  • Lose her bearings

A HOPE THAT I HAVE FOR MY CHILD AS SHE/HE ENTERS THE ADOLESCENT WORLD OF HIGH SCHOOL IS TO:

  • stay/be confident
  • become more self-confident
  • be comfortable with who she is
  • not peak too soon
  • stay true to himself
  • remains the wonderful person she is
  • stay open minded
  • find a passion
  • keep his balance
  • stand up for what she believes in
  • think for himself, make his own decisions, think things through
  • hope she chooses the right friends and overall makes good choices
  • be self assured
  • be focused/aware
  • be healthy
  • feel good about his brain and his body
  • have a strong sense of self and self worth
  • make many friends
  • make a few close friends
  • explore and be happy
  • be optimistic

A CONVERSATION THAT I’M NERVOUS ABOUT HAVING WITH MY CHILD IS:

  • drug use
  • drugs and my adolescence
  • recreational and social drinking
  • substance use/abuse
  • boys
  • how to navigate social issues
  • what are you doing online?
  • sex, drugs and/or alcohol
  • making friends and navigate arguments well
  • is he lying?
  • masturbation and the internet
  • sex
  • pornography
  • sexual violence and date rape
  • sexual assault
  • boys being aggressive
  • I have two daughters – explaining how women are often treated in workplace etc., outside LREI bubble
  • me using poor judgment

ONE INSIGHT FROM MY OWN MIDDLE SCHOOL EXPERIENCE THAT I HOPE TO IMPART TO MY CHILD IS:

  • be yourself
  • don’t be a follower or influenced too much by peers
  • being cool is not about being cool
  • you don’t have to follow
  • it’s ok to make choices that may set you apart
  • the more true to yourself you are, the more your friendships will be real
  • some of the people who I thought were cool weren’t & some that were weird were really interesting – don’t burn bridges
  • its ok to be a non-conformist even though it feels lonely at times
  • being “good” can be better than being “bad”
  • good friends are key
  • it’s okay for friendships to change
  • don’t sleep with your friend’s boyfriend
  • friendship drama eventually calms down
  • keep long term relationships
  • have empathy for friends and foes
  • don’t gossip
  • don’t take everything personally
  • effort matters
  • grades matter
  • work hard
  • don’t quit easily
  • try new things
  • sometimes it feels like boys/girls are from another planet
  • gum must be cut out of your hair
  • it will end
  • we are resilient – it will be ok
  • it gets easier as you get older
  • keep a positive attitude
  • let some things go
  • you will grow

What are your thoughts about all of this? Were you surprised about what your parents had to say? Click this link to add your responses to the google form that we’ll use to send a letter back to your parents.