Essential question: What are the most effective methods of conflict resolution for young kids?

On Friday I played hide n seek with my siblings. I was seeker first and I found them because I heard Lazer, who had followed Aedan to her hiding spot, moving around. Aedan got very upset and started screaming at Lazer not to hide with her. She was screaming, trying to hit him, and refused to continue playing if he didn’t stop hiding with her (they both often get very wound up like this from small things). Normally I would tell her she was being unreasonable, which would probably just end up escalating her reaction.

I read in “How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk” by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish that this is a mistake parents/guardians often make. They explained that instead of denying the child’s feelings, whoever is dealing with the child should show understanding towards their emotions. Me telling Aedan she is being unreasonable would be a denial of her anger towards Lazer. Instead, the conversation went something like this:

Aedan: “Lazer can’t hide with me!”

Me: “Okay”

Aedan: “He always gives away my spot!”

Me: “Okay”

Aedan: “I wont play unless he stops hiding with me!”

Me: “Okay, I’ll tell him not to hide with you”

Aedan: “Fine”

I then calmly told Lazer not to hide with her, which he agreed to. Usually in this situation I would get fed up with Aedan and yell at her, resulting in a screaming match. By listening to her and letting her get everything she needed to say out, I was able to calm her down and come to a solution better than I would’ve if I had resorted to yelling. This made the situation much less stressful for everyone involved.