After hearing that school would be shut down I had an instinct to panic because my initial senior project was completely reliant on having access to the LREI community. In addition to panic, I was upset because I had been planing on directing for my senior project since touring LREI in 8th grade. However, I knew that there was nothing I could do and there were much worse things happening the world right now so I had to hold my head up and adapt. Still, I found myself lost and unable to think of a possible replacement that was somehow related to my old project. However, after discussing possibilities with my cohort leader we decided that zoom had allowed us to still be able to engage with Theatre even though it wouldn’t be the same. Mostly I was worried that doing Theatre over zoom would lack the necessary chemistry between actors, or fun adrenaline that comes from working together and and the community spirit of Theatre. However, I realized while being isolated from the world of Theatre that there were so many aspects that I didn’t know about, such as sets and costumes. This could be an opportunity to learn about that. During our first cohort meeting Joan had me and Layne do a free-write about our hopes and fears for the project, which I have enclosed below.

For the first have of my project, starting a Theatre y-block, I have mostly fears. I fear I won’t be able to come up with stuff every week, and that there will be lots of awkward silences. That is my biggest fear and if that happens that will definitely slow me down in terms of confidence. My other fears include the possibility that no one will want to join, and I will have no Theatre y-block, although this is my smallest fear because I have a backup. Another fear is that I will have trouble being a leader. When I led an x-block in the first trimester I had a lot of trouble with getting students to listen to me, being a leader, commanding the room etc. So I am very scared that that will be a possibility and I don’t know if this being digital is going to help or hurt with that fear. I am significantly scared right now because I have little to no ideas about what to do with these kids, and the x-block I led wasn’t Theatre related at all. I also fear that working on scenes over zoom will just be very strange for everyone and the kids won’t like it, or I won’t like it. I hope that students will attend with excitement and that I will have a group who will want to participate. For the second half of my project, doing Theatre inspired art pieces, my biggest fear is that the artistic aspects are going to be a lot harder than I anticipated. I haven’t drawn in practically four years or so and I am worried that my old drawing skills are not going to come back at all and I am certainly going to have to start from square one. In terms of costumes I am pretty confident because I have experience drawing people, but no experience at all drawing scenery. So my other fear is specific to the set design aspect. I am definitely worried about getting discouraged. However, I am much more excited for this aspect of the project as there is slightly more creative freedom and such. My biggest fear for the entire project is that I will have no motivation, and will give up almost immediately and enter a state of immobility. I am also scared that I will have no way of coping with it.

Doing this free write was extremely helpful because vocalizing my fears helped me understand where any panic or uncertainty was coming form. Acknowledging the problem helped better my mindset because I could differentiate between genuine concerns about my project’s feasibility and likelihood of success and when it was a person anxiety that caused me to believe something wouldn’t work. All in all, writing out my worries helped me start on the fight foot with my project.