Revising my hony creative writing piece

 Somethings I would like to improve is to try to use the most descriptive language in parts that are very dull.  I can to make my piece have more interesting words and to make the reader more interested.

 

“Free Secrets, ” someone whispered.

The spooky voice sounds like leaves dropping on a sidewalk.  I keep hearing this freaky voice that sounds just like Darth Vader.  I wonder what is really going on?   Who is doing this? Where are they? I see dogs running, kids frolicking in the fountain, but I can not find the source of this creepy voice. I leave the park and go to the Flight Club and the voice is gone. I take one step outside and it’s back.   

 

I yell loudly “STALKER,” and run to my moms van.

 

As I walk around I start to notice things that I have never seen before.  I see people doing flips on the arch.   I see a crazy dude covered in pigeons.  I have been to this park many times but today everything is different.  I continue to look for this strange person making these moans.  I have no luck finding this person.  The sounds are now louder and stranger.  I am hearing the same haunting voice over and over again. As the clock turns to 4:58,  the clouds start to go away.   I see a tiny piece of the moon. I feel like giving up but there was one spot I still must check.   

 

“THE BENCHES,” I yell in my head.

 

I start to walk to the benches but my mom calls me.  She yells, “dinner is ready and it’s getting cold.”

 

I think I will come back tomorrow.   As I leave the park I hear the voice again.  I walk into the subway and I see a bunch of photos of me walking around the park trying to find the person yelling “free secrets.”

 

I am so shocked.  How can this be?   I think I am never going back to that park.  

 

My mom says,  “maybe someone is trying to help you… I’ll bring the mini van out tomorrow and we will go together.”

 

I said,  “no no it’s ok.”

 

My mom sensing my fear says, “I’ll take you.”

 

When the next morning comes, I am up at 7:15.  It is Sunday.  I usually sleep in but this morning I can’t sleep.  My mom has the mini van parked out front at 7:20. I jump in the car and it’s a silent ride until we get to Mercer street.

 

My mom says, “if you find the person just be nice to them.”

 

I wait until Bleecker street to open the door.  

As I start to get out,  mom says, “be home at 7:30.”

 

I’m in the park waiting for the “free secrets” guy to come. Shortly after I sit down the leafy Darth    Vader sounding voice comes back. My fear has now turned to anger.

 

I yell, “ho ever you are come out.”

 

Out of nowhere,  a big gust of wind blows by and knocks my phone out of my hand. I yell in total shock. I was checking my Instagram feed. As I am walking over to the benches someone dropped some photos.

I yell, “Sir you dropped some photos!”

 

At that moment, the mystery man starts to sprint as fast as he can. I start to pick up the photos.  Something is weird.  It looks like my friend Gilbert is taking a photo of me from around the block.  The photos are of me walking into my house. Now I am insanely creeped out.   

 

I hear, “free secrets.”

 

I am so terrified.   I run to the police station. I tell the police officer “there is a stalker yelling free secrets at me.”

 

The police officer takes a bite of his donuts.  He looks into my eyes and and says, “that’s not a crime.”

 

I walk back to the park and go to benches.  I see someone sitting with a mask and with a sign that reads free secrets.   I walk up to the man and say “have you been following me for the past day?”

 

“ No” the person said.

 

I say,  “that is odd because I have been hearing free secrets in a creepy voice all day and that is exactly what your sign says.”

 

The man says,“take a card for a secret.”

 

I think who is this person..but I Might as well take a card.  I pick up the card and it says, APRIL FOOLS on it.  The man with the mask takes his mask off.  It’s my friend Gilbert!!!!!   He is hysterically laughing.  

 

 I say, “really dude,  that was so scary and funny.”

 

He says “I got you so good.”

 

We both laughed and then I felt a huge relief because there was not a stalker on the loose.

 

“ Finally we can go to Flight Club,” I say!

 

Then we walk down Broadway.  As we get to Flight Club I  hear a very strong voice that says “secrets for $5.00.”

 

Gilbert looks at me.  I look at Gilbert.  We start to run and we never go downtown again. At least until the stalker is in jail.

The end