Thoughts for the coming months….

I hope that this note finds you well. We are about a day away from the end of the ’17-’18 school year and it felt important to have one more check-in with you. The end of this year has a different meaning and a different feeling for many of us, Thea’s death having affected some students/families in ways that other families can only imagine. I chose to send this note to all middle and high school families just to be sure all who need it receive it.  As your children and families head off to summer break we want to remind you that the movement away from the school community, away from daily contact with friends and supportive adults, could be a significant change for your children, for better or for worse. For some, the summer break will be just that, a much-needed break from a fraught year. For others, being away from the daily support of friends and teachers and routines will be challenging. For most, the summer will bring some of each, relief and sadness.

I write today to share a few thoughts for the coming months:

• The first day of break may be challenging. I can imagine some restless and cranky teenagers on Thursday. For some students, the emotions of the year will be hard to predict as they work out all that they are feeling. Highs and lows, coming and going, evening out as the summer wears on. The start of school is likely to bring strong feelings for many, as well.

• Keep talking. While we don’t want our children to focus solely on the sadness they experienced this year, they may well need an outlet and parents/siblings will be an important one.  The calm that a warm, quiet summer’s eve brings may be just the right moment to talk.

• Time well spent is important.  The summer is a great time for children whose lives have been consumed by schoolwork and sadness to reconnect to the things they most enjoy – reading, exercise, sports, art, music, time with family, pets, play, nature, etc.  I suggest that it will be important to limit digital pursuits as you can without causing too much strife.

• Important for the adults to acknowledge that separation from our children (traveling to a relative’s home or to camp, for example), if that is part of the summer’s plan, might be harder than in year’s past.  Worth noting for ourselves. Deep breaths, long hugs.

• Checking in with friends will be important. Some students who rely on the easy and convenient contact they find in school may need adult help here.

• Seek help if needed.  If your child seems to be struggling and you are not sure what to do, or if something has to be done at all, be in touch with us and we can figure it out together.  (Also, check out these suggestions: https://nyti.ms/2HwDIj4).

• Above all else, the children need to know that they are loved and safe.  How this is expressed is different from family to family.  You know what to do.

All best,

Phil

(On behalf of the faculty and staff.)

Resources (Please let us know if you need others.)

• Children’s response to death and how adults can help.pdf
• Child Mind Institute
• Save.org

Private Services for Grief and Trauma Issues

Matthew W. Botwin, LMCSW