Dear LREI Families – 
I was away from LREI for a few days last week which is not something I generally like. I truly miss this place when I am not here. I spent three valuable days at the annual gathering of the heads of New York State independent schools, days filled with lots and lots of conversation – some structured and intentional and some less formal and candid. As I reflect on these discussions one theme that came through is a sense of thoughtful concern for our students, your children.
I was moved by the respect and care that came through in these conversations, experienced educators thinking out loud about their concerns for their students, mostly focused on older students – middle school and high school aged, though worried about what lies ahead for younger students. Their concerns centered on the ongoing impact of the Pandemic, the dislocation and isolation that so many felt, and the kids’ ongoing struggles, the pandemic impact which still keenly felt. These conversations invariably turned to the impact of social media, constant communication with friends and family, and teens’ desire to remain connected. Maybe desire is the wrong word as it implies some level of agency. In this instance, social media seems to be in control.
LREI’s principals’ meetings with divisional parents this month have (lower and middle school) and will (high school) focus on social media in the lives of our students and how we at school and you at home can support the children in their interactions with these communities and the more and less subtle impact these interactions present.
From the principals:
From Lower School Heather McKay – “Pick any media exposure the way you would pick a babysitter.” – Catherine Steiner-Adair. In other words, be thoughtful and involved in your child’s media consumption. What are they watching? What games are they playing? Learn more from reliable sources such as Common Sense Media. Conversation with your child and age appropriate limits are key.
From Middle School principal Nathan Sokol-Margolis – If you’ve decided that you want your child to have a device that also gives them access to social media, talk to them! Come up with what this means for your family. Discuss dangers, expectations, and what happens when bad choices are made.
From High School Principal Amanda Finnigan – High School students use social media as a way to share their ideas and parts of their persona with their friends and the world. They often want to gather many “likes” as an indication of their popularity. These likes are given by their friends based on their relationships and not necessarily due to the actual posts. We will be discussing the “Power of Like” during the next PA meeting. We will engage our students in conversation to share the idea that liking something on social media can be misconstrued, so it is important to closely read posts before liking them.
In our troubled world, our older children are getting much of their “news” via social media, and, along with it, they are confronted with huge amounts of misinformation. We will continue to teach digital literacy in school and ask that you continue to discuss this at home. Help your children to examine their sources and to reflect on what they are taking in.
It is important to note that our children can make positive connections via social media. There are just so many opportunities to learn, to deepen understanding, and to connect with others who share interests and identities. Our relationships with our devices and with social media are complex and require attention as we develop healthy relationships. It is our responsibility as parents and educators to support our children in making good decisions, to set clear boundaries for them, to check in, to ask questions, and to offer support. Not easy, but essential. These conversations can deepen as our children get older. The longer we can hold off on their having a social media presence the safer they will be.
Frequently I am asked when parents should give their child a phone. While, to some degree, this depends on the child, I share a few guidelines:
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When your child is out and about on their own, traveling to and from, that is a good time to consider a phone. For LREI students, this often happens late in sixth grade or early in seventh.
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If your child lives in two households, a phone at a younger age might be appropriate.
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When your child, in your estimation, can handle the responsibilities that come with having a phone or a smartwatch and your lives are complicated enough that immediate communication makes things work, that is also an indication that a phone may be in order.
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A reminder that not all phones can access social media.
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Again, older is better.
A parent at the middle school social media conversation asked when the balance would shift for us – when there would be enough evidence of the negative impacts of social media to outweigh the positive outcomes – and LREI would take a stronger stance. Excellent question. We talk about phones and social media a lot. We review our rules and procedures frequently. We discuss the fact that there are few significant interpersonal conflicts and few disciplinary issues that don’t involve texting, recording, and/or social media. We will continue to refine our policies and to share our concerns and plans with you.
I urge you to make buying a phone and allowing social media use a conscious decision and one that is discussed explicitly with your children. I urge you not to buy your lower school or early middle school child a phone or smartwatch or to make social media available to them on a tablet. Every year, every day that you wait to make these tools available to them allows them to be older, wiser, more mature and to have had more experiences to draw on in their decision-making.
Phones and social media are powerful tools and like all tools, they take training and practice to make sure they are being used responsibly. This practice and instruction are ongoing. Your children are thoughtful and honest. They will manage, over time, to develop the skills and sensibilities to have a safe digital life. Along the way, they will make mistakes. We are here to partner with you throughout this time of growth.
With great respect for and confidence in your children,