(I began writing this on Monday, October 2, 2017)
When I woke up this morning I realized that I had overslept by just enough to make the morning a hectic one. Short of a mad dash, my kids and I were going to be late. Bummer! Then I tried to iron a shirt. No heat. Broken iron. Argh! That’s when I checked the headlines on my phone. All of my frustrations and concerns retreated in the face of the crushing news from Las Vegas. How do you begin to contemplate the brutal murder of 50+ people and the injuring of hundreds? I was already having trouble comprehending the overwhelming destruction in Texas, Florida, Mexico, Puerto Rico, and so many other places in the Caribbean. Add to all of this any number of global refugee crises, the threat of nuclear annihilation, etc. and I just don’t know that I can handle it. I am truly unsure of how to integrate these global issues and massive tragedies into my life. Clearly, my morning upset and the assaults on my routine are nothing compared to the challenges faced by anyone directly affected by even one of these events, but it is still hard. How can I deal with global crises and a broken iron and all before 7:00a.m.?
Thinking about the state of the world, I wondered how we would support LREI’s students as they superimpose the current state of the world onto their more general view of the world? How can we give the students the tools, time, and understanding they need in order to learn to live within the truly difficult moments that happen to them and around them, balancing these with their daily lives? The idea that children and adults alike learn best when they are connected to the world around them—coming and going from the larger world to the more contained station of their lives, giving and taking from one’s experiences and from those of others, leading and following as you work with classmates and friends—allows one to develop a deeper understanding, a connection, a sense of belonging, of fellowship. Some connection, some experience, that gives one a peek into the lives of those affected, while likely quite sad, makes it possible for even a child to feel that the problem and the potential solutions belong to everyone. We often hear first responders described as those who rush towards danger rather than away from it. Maybe we need to create a culture of rushing into confusion and challenge, rather than away from it, of embracing the uncomfortable, of facing the overwhelming, of taking one more crack at the intractable.
When thinking about where to begin, may I suggest three possibilities — truth, beauty, and the American way.
Truth—It really does set you free. Share the facts with your children in ways that work for them. Not too much, with some filter, for the youngest. More but not all, with some guidance on real vs. alternative facts, with those in the middle, and all of the above and in partnership, debating your views, with the oldest ones. It is so much less taxing to share the truth than to shade it. Take a look at these suggestions from the American Academy of Pediatrics.
Beauty—Life is good, or at least has the promise of being so. Go outside, take a walk, do a good deed, say “Hello” to someone you don’t know, read a novel or some poetry, go to a museum and imagine just how beautiful life can be.
The American Way—Get involved. Do something. Choose a cause. Write a letter. Vote. Protest. March. Read the Constitution. Repeat.
I asked a few colleagues if they had any advice for me to pass along:
Judy Lambek, lower school psychologist, passed on the thoughts of the National Association of School Psychologists, mostly written for school personnel, though I have paraphrased it for families.
- As you can, make life at home predictable. Help children to process the events, seeking help from others, as your child needs.
- The children’s reactions may take time to form. If you hear “Nothing” when you ask what is on your child’s mind on day one, try again later on.
- The National Association of School Psychologists suggests that “Most children and youth are resilient and will cope well with the support and caring of …” the adults in their lives.
- Help your children to understand the steps you have taken to keep them safe.
- Take care of yourselves. Your children need you to be there, guiding them, for a good long time. It is all too easy to burn out.
From middle school/high school psychologist Alexis Kahan:
- https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/how_to_cultivate_belonging_in_a_divided_culture (an article citing Brene Brown’s work, more about how to cope with our political landscape but still interesting)
- http://mobile.abc.net.au/news/2014-12-23/illustrated-guide-coping-traumatic-news/5985104 (an illustrated guide about how to cope with traumatic news events – same information we have seen but nice to see it in a different format)
- http://childmind.org/wp-content/uploads/Child-Mind-Intitute-Parents-Guide-Traumatic-Event.pdf (a comprehensive guide for parents and teachers on how to help children cope with a traumatic event)
From Director of Learning and Innovation Mark Silberberg:
We should consider that effort scales in both directions. In the context of these large-scale challenges, we are often pulled to try and respond with big solutions, which can feel frustrating because it is all action at a distance. Maybe these are moments where it is crucial that we also look to make small local efforts that might have greater meaning and sustainability (e.g., to be more aware of and offer support to the hungry person who we see each day on our walk to school, that we find places to donate what we too easily throw away, that we volunteer at a neighborhood organization, that we pause in or own daily lives and make family dinner last a little longer). In a world where connections seem so easily disrupted, we should endeavor to make repairs via the numerous opportunities to connect that our daily lives afford us.
Ana Fox Chaney ’94, middle school principal, wrote, “I am comforted thinking this is a generation’s awakening from complacency. Progress is not the default. It’s not guaranteed. It is the product of effort.”
Finally, from Tuesday’s NY Times, written by LREI alum mom Roseanne Cash, https://www.nytimes.com/2017/10/03/opinion/rosanne-cash-country-musicians-nra.html?emc=eta1
This is hard work. It is hard work for the individual and it is a huge parenting challenge. Take baby steps. Work together. Ask for and offer help and support.
In solidarity,
Phil