Hanging above my desk is a picture of the two lions that flank the entrance to the main building of the New York Public Library. I value my “officemates” not only because, as a loyal NYer, I admire the institution and the sculptures but also, and mainly, because the lions are named for two traits that I feel I need to keep front and center as I move through my day—Patience and Fortitude.
Patience-the bearing of provocation, annoyance, misfortune, or pain without complaint, loss of temper, irritation or the like.
Fortitude-mental and emotional strength in facing difficulty, adversity, danger or temptation courageously.
I thought of the lions the other day after a brief conversation with a coworker, paraphrased below.
Scene—LREI Sixth Ave. cafeteria, 8:30a.m.
Characters—Phil (PK) $ a valued colleague (VC)
PK: Good morning. How are you?
VC: Hard to be too good with so much going on.
PK: Baltimore, Nepal, yeah, I know what you mean.
VC: You forgot the drought California. Another big deal.
PK: Hard to manage it all.
VC: Maybe, but what else are you going to do? You do what you can and keep going.
I am sure that the conversation shared above was not unique to my morning. I assume and hope that similar conversations were being had in other workplaces as many of us are feeling challenged by these events. How can we help the victims of natural disasters? Why do these violent interactions between police officers and young men of color keep happening? How should I respond, as a person? As a parent? As a teacher? No easy answers here. However, I suggest that at the very least we must choose to engage in conversations that explore such events and their underlying causes and that allow us to grapple with the issues and move towards deeper understanding. Why must we? Well, for many of us these conversations, along with donations to aid organizations or participation in some form of public demonstration, are the only ways we can participate in what we hope will be solutions. I acknowledge that choosing to engage can be hard. It is a challenge to display fortitude in the face of intractable problems. This is compounded by the necessary challenge of involving our children/students in these conversations and actions.
Wait!
It is important to stop here and to acknowledge that being able to choose if and when to have these conversations, especially if we are discussing the race infused discussions about the current unrest in Baltimore, is a privilege. Many families of color have to have these conversations with their children at quite a young age in order to keep them safe and/or to explain a situation or conversation that might be overheard at home.
Each family has a preferred place and time to have these important conversations. For my family, as for many, it is at the dinner table. Maybe a quick weeknight meal and a short conversation, maybe a longer, broader, conversation over a longer weekend dinner with friends and family around the table. For some families, car rides are a good place to have significant conversations, everyone is held hostage. Maybe, for younger children, the relaxed moment in a steamy bath is the place that opens us up for honest talk. Wherever it is, we owe it to our children not to wait for them to broach the subject. We must openly and honestly confront the hard issues, again and again, patiently addressing concerns and confusion. It is also important not to wait for children to be “old enough.” There are a variety of ways to have these conversations with young children. The earlier we start and the more regular these conversations become, the more well developed our skills in having them will be. Early, regular conversations about challenging topics (and there is a never ending supply of them) will provide opportunities for our kids to gain the fortitude that these efforts require. Your children might resist your efforts at first. That is where the patience comes in. Developing the skills and desire to engage in debate, in activism, and in action will benefit them for a lifetime.
These conversations and the increased stamina and proficiency that will be developed through them will not stop natural disasters; nor will they alone end injustice. They will, however, prepare your children to engage in the world around them and will help them as they mature to manage the challenges and stress of being active, engaged citizens.
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Announcements/Reminders
- The Parents Association Community Service Committee is planning a bake sale to raise funds for relief efforts in Nepal. The sale will be on Tuesday, May 5. Rough details are below, more in your weekend email from parent reps.
- Bake Sale to Support Relief Efforts in Nepal
When: Tuesday, May 5th — 2:30-3:30
Where: In front of the Sixth Ave. building.
You can drop off baked goods on Tuesday morning at the front desk or bring them after school. What we need: BAKED GOODS!! Cookies, cake, brownies, breads, rice crispy treats, and also small water bottles. Homemade or store bought — it’s the thought that counts! - A reminder that on Monday, May 4 at 8:45a.m. in the Sixth Ave. cafeteria our Director of College Guidance, Carey Socol, and a group of current seniors, will discuss LREI’s college guidance process.
- From LREI Cares (our high school community service group): The Kids Walk for Kids with Cancer is coming up on Saturday, May 2, 2015 in Central Park. You can go the day of and sign up there or register here or have your family donate: http://mskcc.convio.net/site/TR?pg=team&fr_id=2390&team_id=47841
It’s a lot of fun!
If you participated last year, you might see yourself in the video here:http://mskcc.convio.net/site/PageServer?pagename=kw_why_we_walk&autologin=true - From librarian Jesse Karp, “Saturday, May 2nd is Free Comic Book Day, an annual event in which you go to your local comic book store and they hand you free comics. You don’t need to do anything except show up (and possibly stand on a line, depending on your location); no purchase is necessary, they just give you free comics. Many publishers big and small participate in this, so the selection of genres extends far beyond just superheroes and most stores have comics both for adults and children.” If you’re wondering where your nearest comic book shop is, have a look at: http://www.comicshoplocator.com/Home/1/1/57/575