Fitting in and feeling good about it . . .

Dear LREI Families,

For the past two weeks in sixth grade adolescent issues, we have been talking about the characteristics we look for in a potential friend. As part of our discussions, we conducted an auction in which groups of students bid on characteristics that they valued in a friend. To do this, groups had to discuss and come to a consensus about those values that the group as a whole shared. In doing this, the students realized that while there were differences in what they valued individually, there was also much that they shared in common.

The auctions themselves were spirited events. When all was said and done, the characteristics that were most valued by the class included the following: A potential friend . . .

  • is someone I can confide in (share feelings and tell secrets)
  • is smart
  • is cool
  • doesn’t talk behind my back and is loyal
  • is part of a group I like being with
  • is honest
  • likes me for who I am
  • shares common interests with me
  • is good looking

In our discussions after the auction, students commented that some of these valued characteristics can create tensions between friends and potential friends. They observed that the pressure to be “cool” can sometimes cause them to betray a confidence or talk behind someone’s back, that a focus on someone’s appearance can be at odds with liking someone for who they are, and that being part of a group can put pressure on a relationship with a friend. We talked a bit about how we can navigate through these tensions. As one student commented, “You know what the right thing to do is, but it’s hard to do it sometimes when you’re worried about how others will react.”

We also had some interesting conversation about the items that were not highly valued as potential characteristics of a friend. These included choosing a friend who is . . .

  • the same race and/or religious background
  • from a family that is not richer or poorer than mine
  • completely different from me

For middle schoolers who are so focused on their identity and fitting in and feeling good about it, I think it is significant that these characteristics were not seen as obstacles to friendship. At the same time, students did observe that while these differences did not prevent them from considering someone as a friend, they did sometimes lead to difficulties and misunderstanding between friends. Significantly, the students talked about these misunderstandings as opportunities for understanding. As one student commented, “I was upset when my friend couldn’t go out with me on a day that was an important holiday for her. For me it was just a regular day. I didn’t understand what the big deal was. But when my friend explained what it was and why it was important, I felt like I got to know her a lot better.”

Making and sustaining friendships is hard work and during the middle school years this work can be even harder. Our students are not exempt from this challenge, but I do believe that some of our core values about community help to make this easier. LREI middle schoolers really do care about each other. They work hard with their classmates and teachers to make the Middle School a place where individuals are committed to knowing and understanding each other at a deep level and to working through and past superficial judgments and first impressions. In reflecting on both students’ comments in Adolescent Issues and my daily observations, I sense a clear collective commitment to making sure that the Middle School is a place where all of our community members feel safe and supported. This is especially true as students push themselves to take risks to better understand themselves and others. We know that we will not always get it right every time, that there will be bumps along the way, but, in the end, it’s really not all that surprising that our middle schoolers understand what to value in a friend.

A second reminder: Family Conferences are scheduled for Wednesday, November 7th from 12:15-3:15PM (please note that the 7th is a regular day for students) and for the full day on Friday, November 9th. If your child is in the fifth or sixth grade, his/her advisor will be contacting you to set up a conference on either the 7th or the 9th. Sign-up sheets for seventh and eighth grade families are posted outside of core classrooms and on the bulletin board outside of my office (for conferences with specialists). Several fifth and sixth grade specialists who are not advisors are available to meet with families on the conference days. They are: art teacher Melissa Rubin, music teacher Henry Chapin, computer teacher Steve Neiman, and foreign language teachers Sharyn Hahn and David Lee. If you want to meet with any of these teachers to talk about your child’s work in these classes please contact them directly.

This Week’s Attachments
General:
Parents of Children of Color Breakfast
Letter From Kitty Highstein
Eighth Grade:
Irwin Scholars Application
DC Trip Payment Letter
Seventh Grade:
Sixth Grade:
Fifth Grade:

Of General Interest . . .
1) Many of you have read the reports in the news about MRSA, a methicillin resistant Staphlococcus aureus. MRSA is a strain of bacteria that does not respond to the penicillin family of antibiotics although it is treatable with other types of antibiotics. Please read the attached letter from School Nurse Kitty Highstein about this health issue.

2) Save the Date!!! The LREI Halloween Fair is coming up soon. It is the first PA community event of this school year. It will be held on Sunday, October 28, 2007 from 1– 4PM, at the Thompson Street Athletic Center, 145 Thompson Street (just below Houston St). There will be fun games, spooky crafts, great food, and a haunted maze. Volunteer sign up sheets are located in the lobby. We need you to get involved, so take a look at the board and see what might interest you. There is also a box for donating old toys to recycle into Halloween Fair prizes. So, this is a great opportunity to clean out the toy bin and recycle at the same time. This year’s theme is Ancient Egypt with lots of mummies and pyramids. So wear your favorite costume and join us for a spooktacular good time. If you have any further questions, please contact Pam at PamDalton@aol.com or Zoe at ZedPicayo@aol.com.

3) From Director of Advancement Pippa Gerard: This year’s Grandparents and Special Friends (GPSF) Day is scheduled for May 9th. We will be sending out Save-the-Dates for GPSF day on November 1 and if there is anyone that you would like a Save-the-Date to go to, please email Aeilushi Mistry at amistry@lrei.org with the names and addresses.

4) The Parents of Children of Color Breakfast is scheduled for Tuesday, November 6th at 8:00AM in the Sixth Avenue cafeteria. For additional information, please view the flyer.

5) For updates on faculty performances, openings, presentations, and publications visit the Faculty in the News page on the school web site.

6) LREI is a member of NYC-Parents in Action (NYC-PIA). NYC-PIA provides parenting education, information and a communications network to help parents prepare their children and teenagers to cope with social pressures and to make sound choices towards a future free of alcohol and drug abuse. Please read the attached flyer to view their 2007-2008 calendar. You can also access their website at http://www.parentsinaction.org/. Upcoming Seminar:

  • Life Skills 101:
    Mastering the Big Transitions in Middle and Upper School
    The seminar will take place Thursday November 8, 2007 from 6:00-7:30 PM at Temple Israel located at 112 East 75th Street in New York City.
    Featured panelists will include: Bernard Dreyer, M.D. NYU Professor of Pediatrics and Vice-Chairman of the Department of Pediatrics, Kimberly Williams Psy.D. NYU Child Study Center, Edes Gilbert Retired Head of the Spence School and President of Resource Group 175, an education consultantcy, and Bruce Breimer Principal Emeritus of Collegiate School and college consultant.
    This seminar will be moderated by Lucy Martin Gianino. Reservations are required. To place a reservation send an email to reservations@parentsinaction.org, or call NYC-Parents in Action at 212-987-9629. To view a copy of the Seminar Flyer click on http://parentsinaction.org/file/Life_Skills_Flyer.

For Eighth Grade Families . . . .
1) This week you should have received an application for the Irwin Scholars merit scholarship program. The Irwin Scholars program recognizes selected eighth grade students moving on to the high school who have demonstrated a sustained commitment to their academic success, contributed to the co-curricular life of the school, and exhibited strong leadership skills. The program provides a scholarship in the amount of $3-5K each year for four years. Irwin Scholar Applications are due no later than 4pm on Monday, November 19, 2007. Notification letters will be mailed during the week of December 10, 2007.

2) From High School Principal Ruth Jurgensen: Thanks to those of you who joined one of the two high school tours. It was a pleasure to meet with you and visit our classrooms together. For those parents who were unable to attend, we hope you will schedule a visit to get to know your high school, or feel free to attend my informal Thursday coffee in the high school cafeteria, 7:45-8:15 AM, through November 29. I look forward to getting to know your child’s passions, academic interests and plans for their LREI High School experience. If you have any questions regarding our diverse, rigorous program, please do not hesitate to contact me. Here are some additional opportunities to learn more about the high school program:

  • If you were not able to attend on of the High School tours, please contact Director of Admissions Samantha Caruth who can schedule you for a tour at some other time that is more convenient for you. Samantha can be reached at scaruth@lrei.org or at extension 305.
  • The next High School Open House is scheduled for Tuesday, November 6th and will start at 6:30PM.
  • Wednesday, October 31st through Friday, November 2nd: Eighth graders will participate in Minimester at the High School. Minimester affords eighth graders the opportunity to work and learn with high school students and faculty. Students choose an elective of interest from a range of offerings, which they then explore in-depth over the three days of Minimester. In groups of two and three, eighth graders will also spend a half-day in the high school following a regular schedule with a high school buddy.
  • If you have any questions about the high school program, please contact Ruth (rjurgensen@lrei.org or at extension 303). If you would like to make a reservation for one of the Open House nights or one of the tours, please contact Director of Admissions Samantha Caruth (scaruth@lrei.org or at extension 305).

3) Please follow this link to read math teacher Michelle Boehm’s new math unit letter.

For Seventh Grade Families . . .
1) The expected return time from Wiliamsburg on Friday is 4PM. The group will call to let us know about their progress. You can call reception for updates if there are any changes in their projected return time.

For Sixth Grade Families . . .
No updates this week.

For Fifth Grade Families . . .
1) Please respond to the French/Spanish choice email that went out on Wednesday. So that we can program classes for next quarter, we ask that you reply by Monday, October 29.

2) A reminder that on Thursday, November 1st, the fifith grade will travel to the Metropolitan Museum of Art to view their Ancient Near East Galleries. Students should bring a bag lunch (no nuts, seeds, and glass bottles) and should dress for the weather.

For additional information, follow these links:

Don’t forget to check the LREI website for updates and other interesting school-related information.

Be well,
Mark

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