Enjoys Long Walks Along the Hold Shelves and Sunsets Over Spine Labels
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Over the summer, our rising eighth graders choose from a list of selected classics to read at the beach or while at camp. In the past we had the students do booktalks, but last year we changed it up and had the students write “single’s ads” for their dusty old classics who wanted to attract new readers. While there was some initial confusion over what a single’s ad was (“Do you mean a Match.com profile?”) they soon got the hang of it using these writing prompts and reading the example I had way too much fun writing for them:
• “My ideal reader/date must love…because…”.
• “A knowledge of/passion for…is a plus.”
• “On our first date, we will…”.
• “My favorite food or type of restaurant is…so you must love eating…”.
• “My favorite song is…because…, or I love listening to…”.
• “My favorite season is…because…”.
• “Usually, on my days off, I like to…”.
• “My favorite hobbies are….”.
• “I’d like to travel with you to…because…”.
• “My favorite movies include…because…”.
Example: The Grapes of Wrath by John Steinbeck
“Depression-era gentleman seeks eager young reader who enjoys creek water out of a tin cup, seeing greater America from the back of a rusty Model-T, and doesn’t mind a little dust in his or her hair. Must love sunsets over prairies, long soliloquies about turtles, and know how to change a tire. Knowledge of migrant worker laws and rights a plus. Our first date will start with breaking a picket line and end with peach cobbler (made from the peaches we hand pick by moonlight). If you think you are the reader for me, you can find me at your local public library, not too far down on the shelf from Shakespeare.”
Here are a handful from this year’s batch that are just as creative, funny and provocative as the last two years’. Can you guess the book titles from their descriptions? (Answers at the end) Maybe after reading them, you’ll be inspired to make a date with a classic!
1. I dont no how to do somthing like this so i wil start here. My idel reder (is that what im supposed to say? I dont no.) must kno how to deel with quik imoshinal changes, and bad speling and pronunseashon. Also nowing how to deal with various drastik changes in smartnes is a HUGE plus. You have to be ok with me writing about you because I have to do my progris reports and I have to write about evrething. On our date we will meet at the collage lab, and i can show you how I race with Algernon; the lab mouse. We will then go to a small diner. (I forget the name) We should meet at five but I’m not sure if I’ll even remember so don’t be upset if I’m not there. Oh yeah, knowing different languages is also helpful because I love to talk in other languages when I can remember them. After dinner i hav to go home to rite my progress riport, and watch a lerning video so you have to be ok with that Anyway if you want to find me, go to a publik librarie or stor with boks, and i will be ther.
P.S. dont chek this websit for me i probably wil never get bak to you.
2. Searching for a companion with whom to invade Europe. Must be good at fighting Germans and storming bunkers. Being able to jump out of planes is a plus. You should be able to throw grenades and identify between a German tank and an American one. But this date is top secret so don’t tell anyone or there might not be an invasion! We will meet at 5:00 in the morning at the English docks in Devon. Then cross the channel in a boat and land at Omaha Beach at 6:30am.The seas look rough so bring some brenazine pills if you’re prone to seasickness. I’ve only been part of one other invasion (the one in Sicily a year ago) but liberating sure is fun! The best is to arrive early, with the first wave, and you get to see all the action. As this is a big risk, I should at least let you know a bit about myself. My favorite music is anything by Glenn Miller, and my favorite movie is a “Bridge Too Far”. The equipment you’ll need is an m1928 pack, a helmet, some good marching boots, some sort of explosives, and an American flag. Pack your gear, sharpen your bayonet, and Fortress Europa, here we come!
3. I am single and ready to mingle! My reader must be in for an adventure and have the imagination of a child. On our first date we will either be visiting crazed adults who inhabit small planets, or be stranded in a desert with a cunning snake; it will be best to bring a space helmet and your best snake charming flute. At some point during our whimsical evening, I will probably ask you to draw me a sheep, so please bring a pencil and some paper too. I don’t mind what we eat, the time and love that goes into preparing the meal is what really matters. During my days off (I have a lot of those since I live on a planet alone) I like sitting on my chair and watching the sun set. My favorite song is “Fly Me To The Moon” by Frank Sinatra because it’s so romantic, just like I am. We will then travel to Earth, and once we get there you mustn’t get too attached to me, because I will one day have to go back to my planet and leave you. I know as well as being mysterious and charming, I am quite the heartbreaker. One last thing, my reader must be able to see the beauty and importance in a sheep or a single rose.
4. Seeking determined readers who enjoy keeping plants alive in adverse circumstances and who like stories about people who dream of a better life despite the struggles they face. On our first date we’ll look through a pre-med catalogue and eat soul food at a jazz club. After standing up for equal housing, we’ll go for a walk under the South Side stars to think about our dreams of traveling. We will discuss whether to use some of the life insurance I’ve just collected to invest in a liquor store or to buy a house in a white neighborhood. I would like to travel with you to Africa where we could make a new start. A passion for human rights is a plus. One of my favorite songs is “We Shall Overcome,” because it is about not giving up in the face of forces that oppose change. If interested, you can find me at your local library or see me live on Broadway this spring.
5. We will begin our day sliding down the nearly endless rabbit hole. We will later drink enticing pink potions that will shrink us to the size of ants and eat scrumptious cake that will make us grow into giants. The adventures that we will be embarking on will never cease to amaze you. Today we will be attending a Mad Tea Party, or we will swim in a pool of tears. After afternoon tea we will visit a duchess and we will rescue her baby that subsequently turns into a pig. We will then meet the mysterious Cheshire Cat, and join a croquet game with the critical and demanding Queen of Hearts. Be sure to bring your mallet for croquet! A fascination for thrill and outlandish things is a plus. You must also love the season spring, because it is my favorite season; the weather is constantly changing, flowers are popping up from the ground and people are escaping their gloomy winter days and beginning fresh. Spring relates to the journey we will be taking on in my book because it’s unpredictably wonderful, just the way you will be feeling when you pick me up for a marvelous read.
7. My ideal date must love Bloody Mary’s and a passion for animal hunting is a plus. On our first date we shall eat in dinner at my castle and toast with glasses of claret. For desert, we will share my favorite thing to eat, neck-tarines. I love winter. The sun isn’t out that much and I don’t like the sun because I get burned. On my off days I like to visit the blood bank and go to the top of the Vampire State Building in New York to see the view of the city. My favorite hobby is to play bat-miton with my family and friends. I’d like to travel with you because I want to go to places in the world beyond Transyvania. Of course, I’ll have to take some soil from there with us so I can sleep. With my good looks and charm I can hypnotize you into falling in love with me. I was never married because I’m a bat-chelor but I would change that for you.
8. Chronic mental patient seeks new reader. You must be clinically insane, because that is the only way you can get into the asylum. A passion for blackjack is a plus. Our evening will begin in electroshock therapy, and end around a table, watching the World Series and playing poker. If you enjoy fighting authority even if you don’t stand a chance, all the better. Nurse Ratched doesn’t let me do even the most basic of things that I was allowed elsewhere, so I have to work around therefore being clever is the only way to get what you want. That is why I am looking for someone intelligent. You can find me with the other classics, in the K’s. I am relatively unknown, but if you ask around I am sure you can find someone who has heard of me.
9. The ideal reader I’m looking for will enjoy reading by the fire, and long interesting conversations. I love a personality that is confident, cunning, romantic and unpredictable. You would enjoy a good mystery, preferably one about a crazy old woman in an attic. I very much enjoy someone who is intelligent, and has a lot to say. Now a bit about me. My favorite kind of meal is a home cooked one. While we bake we can chat about what ever we please. Just be ready, I ask a lot of questions! My hobbies include: reading and having tea, teaching, talking, and seeing old friends. In addition, I’m a very reliable governess. I successfully taught a young girl proper etiquette, so if you need any help with manners, I’m the one for the job. Now that you know a bit about me, I would love to meet you! You can find me at your local book shelf, library, or bookstore.
10. To begin with, you should know that I’m one of the books that is dangerous and you shouldn’t pick me up but you will, because I’m just too temping to resist. If you would like to take an adventure with me then come over on over to the annex; but I must warn you, you will be taking a big risk while dating me. However, I assure you, it’s worth it. For our date you will need to know how to cuddle, as we will only be able to stay in small spaces. We will whisper in each other’s ears and write notes back and forth using my special feather pen. A love for daydreaming is a plus since I always lie down and imagine of what the future might hold. I’m sneaky and I love to spy on people at night in the building across from ours. So if there’s a secretive, courageous side to you, then come on over.
(1. Flowers for Algernon 2. The Longest Day 3. Murder on the Orient Express 4. The Little Prince 5. A Raisin in the Sun 6. Alice in Wonderland 7. Dracula 8. One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest 9. Jane Eyre 10. The Diary of Ann Frank)