Calling All Readers! Lonely Hearts Classics are Looking for a “Date.”

This year, the Eighth Grade Core (English and Social Studies) were looking for a way to punch up the summer reading assignment. Over the summer, our rising eighth graders choose from a list of selected classics. In the past we had the students do booktalks, but that was starting to feel a little stale. When one of the teachers mentioned she’d like the students to present their books using a “speed dating” model, we decided to have the students write “single’s ads” for their dusty old classics who wanted to attract new readers. While there was some initial confusion over what a single’s ad was (“Do you mean a Match.com profile?”) they soon got the hang of it using these writing prompts and reading the example I had way too much fun writing for them:

• “My ideal reader/date must love…because…”.
• “A knowledge of/passion for…is a plus.”
• “On our first date, we will…”.
• “My favorite food or type of restaurant is…so you must love eating…”.
• “My favorite song is…because…, or I love listening to…”.
• “My favorite season is…because…”.
• “Usually, on my days off, I like to…”.
• “My favorite hobbies are….”.
• “I’d like to travel with you to…because…”.
• “My favorite movies include…because…”.

Example: The Grapes of Wrath by John Steinbeck

“Depression-era gentleman seeks eager young reader who enjoys creek water out of a tin cup, seeing greater America from the back of a rusty Model-T, and doesn’t mind a little dust in his or her hair. Must love sunsets over prairies, long soliloquies about turtles, and know how to change a tire. Knowledge of migrant worker laws and rights a plus. Our first date will start with breaking a picket line and end with peach cobbler (made from the peaches we hand pick by moonlight). If you think you are the reader for me, you can find me at your local public library, not too far down on the shelf from Shakespeare.”

Here are some of the eighth grade’s Lonely Hearts Classics Singles Ads. Can you guess the book titles from their descriptions? (Answers at the end) Maybe after reading them, you’ll be inspired to make a date with a classic!

1. Blond English girl seeks courageous young reader who enjoys tea, cats and small doors. Must play croquet with flamingos and enjoy falling down rabbit holes. Our first date will consist of painting white roses red and avoiding being beheaded. My favorite food is cake marked EAT ME and I enjoy drinking tea. If you know “Why a raven is like a writing desk?” or dislike the songs of a mock turtle then we should get along quite well. My ideal reader only enjoys books with pictures and dialogue, “and what is the use of a book without pictures or conversations in it?” I absolutely hate uncivil mad hatters, melancholy frogs and easily offended mice. My hobbies are chasing white rabbits and playing with my cat, Dinah. I have been called many things, peculiar and outlandish being among them. Being 146 years old, you can find me in the classics section, along with Huckleberry Finn and The Secret Garden.–I.T.

2. Southern tomboy seeks understanding young reader, easily impressed by her newly found maturity and femininity. A passion for deep conversations over dinner is a plus. I’d like to travel with you to exotic places all around the world so I can find my own place. Our first date will start with a game of bridge and a long conversation, and end with condensed milk from the can we bought from the store we walked to in our fancy costumes and mexican hat. On my days off I like to walk around the town and try to convince the young children that I am from a foreign country. My favorite song is Please Don’t Leave Me by Pink because although I hope that I will run away with my brother and his wife, deep down inside, I have this fear that he will leave me here, and I won’t be a member of the world.–O.O.

3. Seeking an adventurous creative reader who enjoys riding on a raft during twilight. The perfect reader for me should know how and enjoy hunting alone, not being a picky eater, occasionally play hooky from school, and constantly be on the move. On our first date we will sit out in the moonlight around the campfire telling stories with Jim, a runaway slave who has become one of my dearest friends. If you are on a date with me you must not be a vegetarian because we will be eating whatever we hunt, which could consist of the occasional boar, dog and catfish. My favorite genre of music is classical and country that I overhear. Over the course of all the many seasons, summer is my favorite season because of the warm soothing weather, which allows me to do things like drifting on a raft as I soak up the warm sunlight. Usually on the days when I am just resting, I enjoy talking to Jim and telling stories about the journeys and adventures we’ve had in the past. When we travel on the raft we will discover the simpleness of nature and observe the beauty around us. If you want to meet me you will find in the literature aisle.–I.Z.

4. Tough, afraid, kind teenage boy searches the high seas for a reader who enjoys the sound of drunken arguing as well as the sound of the open water. Knowing how to sail is a must. Will not take someone greedy. Must love a hearty meal of a biscuit and long sleepless nights. Must be able to be mutinous and not have it gnaw at a guilty conscience. My ideal reader must love or not mind fighting and running a lot because we’ll be abandoning friends, enemies, and other crew members for our own gain, and for someone you care about, yet also despise, but who wants to protect you. Must love long adventures for wealth and newfound friendships.–J.G.

5. I am a young boy, but my best friend is a 70-year old African American man, and a small cat. My ideal date must love an unexpected trip to a tropic island in the middle of the ocean. Having knowledge of survival and fishing in a reef is always a plus. Our first date will start on a raft then move to building a hut for shelter, and finish with walking along the beach watching the sunset. Usually, on my days off I like to build extra catchments and taking walks to get more familiar with out little Cay. My favorite food is fish, but on occasion I enjoy climbing trees to get coconuts. My favorite hobbies include building hammocks or mattresses and finding ways to improve our lives on the island. I would love to visit the main land with you because I’m really tired of being stuck on this little Devil’s Mouth.–E.P.

6. English gentleman looking for a reader who loves going on nightly excursions through a haunted moor. My ideal reader must enjoy going on thrilling adventures, where you don’t only have to run, hide, and shoot, but you have to be sly and have an intelligent mind. On our first date, she must be prepared to get killed by the horror that lurks in the darkness. If you want to stay alive, bring a pistol and a mind that is alert and ready to find the truth behind what is really happening on the moor. A knowledge of solving mystery cases is a plus. Being able to observe and have a close and careful eye to everything around you is an asset. My favorite hobbies are playing the violin, smoking in the parlor until the room becomes foggy from puffing my pipe all afternoon, and, of course, solving mystery crimes. My favorite meal is a pot of coffee and possibly some biscuits; otherwise I don’t waste my time for food. I am not a very romantic person, my only relationships would be the cases I have solved, so if you bore me, I will move onto another case. If it would please you to come to tea, dress properly, in a skirt and blouse, as any sensible English lady would do. My address is Section D, The New York Public Library.–L.V.

7. Strong hardworking male looking for a partner. Just recently became single due to an accident involving an unfit relationship and a Luger.  For the second amendment haters out there, a Luger is a German pistol.  Yeah…   Anyways, I like fluffy animals like rabbits, puppies, and mice.  Unfortunately, I usually end up killing them.  By accident of course.  I entertain theoreticals and I am persistent and repetitive. I work in the fields and I am used to taking care of others, taking responsibility for false accusations, and taking charge. I love sad endings and being on the run. Our relationship will begin with true love and passion, it will contain tears, labor, and hardships, and end with utter tragedy.  You can find me raking leaves, on the Kindle store.–M.W.

8. Enthralling middle aged looking gentleman, seeking a reader who enjoys long nights and sleeping during the day. I enjoy such hobbies as hypnosis and shape shifting.  Must not have a fear of blood.  I am not fond of eating, but you should be it is good for your body. On our first date, I will captivate you with my dashing looks and hypnotic eyes. You must not be religious. If  you feel that you are the right reader for me, find me in my castle library. I’ll be waiting. –J.H.

9. Drug addicted teen seeks a reader who loves living on the edge, smoking pot, and beating those clean-cut preppy boys who think that they’re better than us in a game of basket-ball. A knowledge on dark alleys to shoot heroin in is a plus. On our first date we will take the subway to central park and sit on the rocks where we will drink and mug old people who walk by. My favorite food is French fries because they’re dirt cheep, and they fill you up. My favorite season is fall because its not too warm, or too cold if I end up sleeping on a park bench. Usually, on my free days I like to hang out with friends and take the subway to various parts of the city. I’d like to travel to Boston because I hear the dope down there is cheap, and powerful. If you think I’m the book for you, look for me in the memoir/auto-biography section of the library. –A.B.

10. I am looking for love because I would like to forget my devotion for my sister’s husband. My ideal reader would have a passion for writing as well as not mind the occasional strange or eccentric happening. My favorite season is Spring, when the world is not dreary and drained of color. Usually, when I have time to spare and the weather is warm, I like to sit outside and write, with the pale tulips and the gray moat ruffling in the breeze, staring up at the pale yellow bowl of sky above. I do not appreciate facial hair on a man, since it may remind me of my sister’s husband. My family lives in a crumbling castle, and struggles with finances because my father refuses to write another novel. If you desire, I can welcome you into a life of passion, excitement, scandal, and raw truth. If you think you might be interested, you can find me sitting on your local library and bookstore shelf. –E.J.

11. Nomadic man seeks someone who can run long distance, enjoys fires and doesn’t mind teaching a little about books and being in the wild.  Medical knowledge will help since I have recently been injected with a needle and it is very painful, also knowledge about reading, books and starting colonies would be great.  On our first date we will run from the hound for 1 hour straight, than we will stop and build a big bon fire, and read poetry to each other late at night.  My favorite food is charred steak and seared tuna; I like all my food on the cooked side due to growing up near many fires.  My favorite song is “Ring of Fire” by Johnny Cash, I love listening to it because it reminds me of beautiful fires when I was a fire fighter back in the day.    We will most likely be itinerant since the hound is after me, so the chances of us having many romantic days are quite unlikely.  Usually on my days off I like to kick back relax and read a good classic.  On our travel we will be looking for places that have been hit by the war, and we will try to find one that will be great to make a colony out of.  If you think you are the reader for me I’d love to meet you sometime and share some stories.–L.B.

12. If you are going to read me, you must like baseball.  My favorite team is the New York Yankees and my favorite player is Joe DiMaggio- just for your reference.  I watch baseball games with my very good friend, the young man next door, but I’d really like to watch some with you.  I am very lonely after all!  Baseball is not truly my passion though.  You should know that I have been a fisherman all of my life.  I enjoy waking up early in the morning and setting out to fish in the waters just off of my home in Cuba.  For our first date, I will pick you up in my small wooden fishing boat and we will sail back to my ocean-view beach shack.  Did I mention that a marlin I hooked will be pulling us?  It will be a lovely evening of sea legs, sushi and sharks.  My reader will be adventurous; they will not be afraid to battle off sharks or get a little salt water on their legs.  They will always have patience (I have not been so lucky with catching fish this season).  My ideal reader will be over 75.  My past love interests have included The Dairy of Anne Frank and the Adventures of Huckleberry Finn.–E.R. 

13. Quiet young lady seeks new reader who enjoys long walks along the woods and exploring old, gothic mansions.  Our first date will most possibly include escaping from an orphanage that is infested with typhus.  I do hope you are neat and clean because I, an avid user of hand sanitizer, do not get along with germs.  It wouldn’t be ideal if you are afraid of mysterious attics, cackling laughter and dark, creaky corridors.  As our relationship progresses, I would love to investigate some secrets well hidden inside Thornfield Hall, my current place of dwelling.  I already know that we will go through some rough patches like heartbreak, jealousy and near starvation, but I promise it’ll all be okay.  If you love suspense, secrecy, mystery and thrill, this is the perfect adventure for you.–P.M.

 

(1. Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland by Lewis Carroll 2. The Member of the Wedding by Carson McCullers 3.The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn by Mark Twain 4. Treasure Island by Robert Louis Stevenson 5. The Cay by Theodore Taylor 6.The Hound of the Baskervilles by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle 7. Of Mice and Men by John Steinbeck 8. Dracula by Bram Stoker 9. The Basketball Diaries by Jim Carroll 10. I Capture the Castle by Dodie Smith 11. Fahrenheit 451 by Ray Bradbury 12. The Old Man and the Sea by Ernest Hemingway 13. Jane Austen by Charlotte Bronte)