HONY final draft

Friday, jan 5, 2020:

I am Jim, and Tommy has challenged me to a fight on the playground. This is not the first time that I will fight him, he fights me every friday and wins. I hate him so much. I don’t want everyone to laugh and call me a coward if I don’t show up. I enter the playground and the whole school is there.

“Ready to get beaten to a pulp, kid,” Tommy says. That gets me red-faced because we are the same age.

Everybody laughs and says,

“Fight fight fight fight,”

Tommy punches me and I get knocked prone. He kicks me and everyone laughs and jeers. He steps on my face and my nose starts to bleed. He kicks me again and I get knocked unconscious. I then afterwards decided that I would stop letting him kick me around and I reached into his bag later and was surprised to find a diary. I then decided to hand out photocopied pages of his diary. Not the best action for an 18 year old, but at least it is some way to rebel.

 

Monday, jan 9, 2020:

“Free secrets,” I call out to everyone.

“Why do you give these out?” asks my archenemy Tommy.

“To create discord and hate of course,” I say in a tone that no one will recognize.

He does not know that the secrets I am giving out are his.

“Here, a free secret,” I say and hand him a secret about his best friend.

When he beat me up on Friday I accidentally reached into his bag and grabbed his diary.

Then I got some other secrets by stalking people and going into their kitchens. The rest I got by setting up network of security cameras in people’s houses. I set up the cameras when I was stalking people and now I have around 5000 secrets on paper and I get more every day. I have 2 copies of every secret so I do not lose any. I now know that at least 20% of my neighborhood is plotting to take over the world someday.

 

later:

Time to check the feed on Tommy’s house. WHAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTTTTT!!!!!!!!! There are robots. They have guns too.

“Good, unleash them to take over the world,” says Tommy.

“Yes, master,” says some random dude. (Obviously Tommy’s servant.)

“The first target will be the school,” orders Tommy.

“Yes, master,” says the other person.

I must form a plan. I cannot tell the police because the police will arrest me for stalking people. I call my friend Timmy and tell him the situation. I tell him to meet me at the machine gun shop. I go in.

He is already there.

“I would like to buy 2 machine guns and 1,000,000 bullets please,” I say.

“That will be $100,”says the cashier.

I hand him the money and we leave the shop. Then we went to the jetpack shop and bought 2 jetpacks for $20.

“Alright, let’s ambush him outside the school,” I say.

“We should probably buy some grenades,” he says.

“Good thinking,” I agree.

So I go to the arms shop and get many types of grenades. (the grenades are in the hand of the arm) I have to pay $90 and this is getting pretty expensive. But we are ready.

 

Tuesday, jan 10, 2020

We wake up at 5 0’clock and do some scouting. We are ready to shoot Tommy. He comes to school with around 100 robots.

“Open fire,”I yell and we start shooting.

The robots step in front of Tommy and we do nothing to the robots. I throw a grenade and red stuff comes down his leg, his belly, and it soaks his clothes. He clenches his fists and says, “Destroy him now,”

Two of the robots turn to me and aim.

“Throw the grenades,”I tell Timmy.

He turns to me, smiling evilly. I throw a smoke grenade and run away.

“Leave him,”says Tommy.

“Okay,” says Timmy casually.

I think that I should probably buy a rocket launcher but I don’t. I go check on the feed of Tommy’s house. Plenty of police there, but everyone is talking about how they will become powerful once Tommy becomes king of the world. They are all weird in my opinion. Tommy will just destroy them later. He does not want to get caught so this is what he does with the police. I tell my mom about everything that happened. I call Tommy from a phone booth.

“Hello, Tommy speaking,” says Tommy.

“Have you really thought everything through,” I ask.”I mean about taking over the world?”

“Of course,”

“What will you do with all the paperwork?”

“I will make my minions do it,”

“What about warring nations?”

“When I am king, there will be no wars,”

“If famine strikes a country, what will you do?”

“Maybe I will do nothing,”

“Then you will have a whole country rise against you, because they have nothing left to lose,”

“Then I will destroy them,”

“In which case you will have the neighbors fighting over the remains,”

Then he hangs up. Well, that didn’t work. I look around and see a tank. The guns are all aimed at me. Bummer, I think to myself. I throw a grenade at the tank that electrocutes it and kills everyone inside. Yes! Let’s go! I one-shotted a tank.Then I feel something like a brick hit my back. I feel warm blood gushing down my back. I turn around and see a sniper on a rooftop. I throw a grenade onto the roof and crawl away with the strength I have left. I go into my house and ask my father, (who is a doctor) to heal me. He injects me with something and I black out. Next thing I know, I wake up and cannot move. I can feel myself slipping away.

“Oh look, he woke up,” my dad calls to my mom.

“Oh, sweetie, you woke up,”she says,”the bullet punctured your lung, so you do not have long to live,”

“Way to calm me down,”I say in a voice so soft so she can barely hear me.

I am trying to stay awake but there is only so much I can do. My eyelids feel like 100-pound weights.

“We’ve always loved you,” they say.

I am almost at the permanent rest. My eyelids are open, barely. I try to keep them open, but fail.

I go into a deep slumber for eternity. Now, you may think Jim, you are dead, how can you be dead and tell this story? My parents apparently went to some guy who knows witchcraft and resurrected me for five days. He can only go on for five days because that is how long he can sleep for. So I wrote this story in my last 5 days on earth. Goodbye world. 🙁

When I was revising this piece I was asked what is the difference between revising and editing? Revising is when you add a new character or a scene, and make a big change. Editing is when you make grammar or spelling corrections, so you make small changes.

My revision goal was to add a scene at the beginning about why the characters hated each other. I achieved this goal, so yay! I think now the whole story makes sense now.