This is my revised Arabian Night piece.  Revision means to not only fix the technical like spelling and grammar. It is to rethink the story and add more detail. You go back and rework your piece like changing the climax, taking and adding thing that are missing and taking away things you don’t need.

We started our pieces with a plot and a story arc. I was proud of my first draft but when Julia added comments and revisions I realized that there was so much I could improve on and add to my piece. Once I had revised I really like the way my piece flowed and how extra drama was added to make it more interesting. 

THE FIRST NIGHT

It is said, O wise and happy King, there was once a poor old man named Ahmad. He lived with his wife, Salma, and kids, Farrah and Tariq, in Arabia. Ahmad was a fisher. They lived by a small lake that connected to the ocean which kept the fish coming. Their house was built of stone and a flat stone roof lay over the top. A small shack held all of Ahmad’s fishing nets made by himself. Every morning Ahmad woke before dawn and walked to the market to trade his fish he caught the day before. One day Ahmad was walking through the heat of the sun to the market when he stumbled across mysterious man. The man said he was a trader who travelled from market to market selling his goods. In his hand he held a rope which was harnessed to a donkey pulling a wagon. The wagon was filled with goods. Ahmad told the trader that his wife and kids were hungry and were in desperate need of a better life. The travelling trader took pity on him and handed him a golden key.

“This is a very special key,” the trader whispered “It will unlock a very special door. “Go to Medina and climb the tallest mountain where you will find a golden door, in the cave is a treasure like no other.” the trader said. “But do not get too greedy or you will suffer the consequences.” “What is the price?” Ahmad questioned. “No price.” said the trader and with that he left. Ahmad ran back to his home by the lake to tell his wife Salma. He ran into the stone house in which Salma was cooking. He rushed over to tell her the good news, she cried with joy and started packing what little they had for the trip. Once packed they stepped outside ready to walk themselves to Medina but there was a caravan sitting in front of their house. MAGIC! They climbed in and started their journey to Medina. But morning drew near Scheherazade, and she fell silent.

THE SECOND NIGHT

The following night, when Scheherazade was in bed, her sister Dinarzad said, “Please, sister, tell us one of your lovely tales.” Scheherazade replied “With the greatest pleasure!”

It is said, O great King, that they arrived at sundown and travelled to the cave. Ahamad took the key out of his pocket and unlock the golden door to the cave. The cave was filled with riches. There were rubies and gems scattered across the floor. Gold tapestries were hung from the walls and at the end of the cave was a hole shining like the brightest sun lighting up the hole room. Farrah ran through the halls of the cave touching everything there was to touch until she reached the end of the cave. Farrah ran through the hole forcing the whole family to jump through behind her. But morning drew near Scheherazade, and she fell silent.

THE THIRD NIGHT

The following night, when Scheherazade was in bed, her sister Dinarzad said, “Please, sister, tell us one of your lovely tales.” Scheherazade replied “With the greatest pleasure!”

It is said, O great King,  that when Ahmad stepped through the hole he was dressed in clothes made with the finest material and crafted by the best tailors in town. They were in a small dome that seemed to be underground. There were golden stairs leading up to the surface. They climbed the stairs and were hit by a ray of sunlight. In their sight there was a huge palace, one of the grandest palaces they have ever seen. A woman approached them seeming a little bit timid exclaimed “You’re- you’re the royal family!”. Ahmad was amazed “Yes, we are!” he replied firmly.

All of Ahmad’s life he wished to be more than the old fisherman he was. He felt like he deserved more. The family was escorted to the palace where they were treated with a great feast. Servants were running in and out of the kitchen bringing courses one after another. After the great feast Ahmad requested gifts to be brought by all the townspeople to celebrate their new King. Days past and King Ahmad kept getting greedier and greedier. He ordered people from all the towns to come and entertain him. Tailors worked day and night making the finest clothes for him. Salma was too blinded by the money to notice anything going wrong. Farrah and Tariq were distracted by all the things they had that they never had before like huge rooms, feasts, toys, jesters to entertain them and more. One day King Ahmad was sitting in his chair when his servant came up to him and said “You have a visitor.” “Of course, to give me gifts.” cried King Ahmad. “No, he is here for a different reason.” the servant replied. But morning drew near Scheherazade, and she fell silent.

THE FOURTH NIGHT

The following night, when Scheherazade was in bed, her sister Dinarzad said, “Please, sister, tell us one of your lovely tales.” The King added “Let it be the rest of the fisherman’s tail.” Scheherazade replied “With the greatest pleasure!”

It is said, O great King, that the trader was the mysterious visitor. He walked in donkey and all and said slyly “Good evening Ahmad.” “I don’t know this man, get him out of my palace at once!” Ahmad replied. “You became greedy and now you will suffer the consequences!” the trader shouted as he was dragged out of the palace. King Ahmad became worried. All day and night he would worry about the punishment he would be given but he stayed greedy . A few days after Ahmad thought he had escaped the curse but he had not.

On that day the King feasted on bread and cheese. More gifts were brought to his kingdom. Farrah and Tariq weren’t fighting. It was a very good day so King Ahmad and his family took a walk around the palace. With guards on either side of them they strutted around the building with arrogance as people watched from afar. Salma was dressed in fine clothes and had gold and ivory accessories. She forced the children into their finest clothes too. Once half way around a demon rose out of the ground. “Ahmad, you have betrayed you word and will now be killed” he bellowed. The king begged and begged but the demon opened the ground and pushed Ahmad and his family in.