June 17th, 1348

Dear Cousin Cecily and Sarafina,

I am writing to you for I must tell you the pain that has happened in the last month. It seems that the palace has gone under way with death. My maids must be all be sinners for they have the devil in them. They have fevers and black oozing bumps with puss. It’s just so revolting. The smell makes me want to vomit. It smells like rotting flesh. Sadly my best friend from the town died from it. My father has made the decision to lock me in my room and to keep out all the other maids. My little brother past away after being in a lot of pain and torture. I am happy that it ended but I am very upset. He was only five. Why did the devil have to take him? Why? I can’t cope with the pain. My mother has a fever and I fear it is the end for her too. If she dies I become queen. That’s so scary for me.

When I look out my window I see fires and blood on the streets. It can only be God’s disappointment. My town has gone down hill. Men whip themselves while the women soak up blood with cloths and put it on their eyes. I can’t bare to watch it. Cecily, please send me your luck and love. Send your love to all of England and I will send all my love to France. I miss you and Sarafina. I have never had better friends or cousins like you two. I wish I had you two here. You could help brush the tangles out of my blond hair for I can’t get a single comb through it. The deaths have depressed me enough to commit suicide. I look at the mirror and think that the demons should take me now. There’s no point in being alive it is obvious that I have sinned for why else would God punish me. I am only 17 and I have apparently been so bad that God himself is punishing me.

I hope that you are swell and happy. I wouldn’t bare another day alive if something happened to you. I don’t know if I can make it to July. My nails have grown long and my hair is getting darker. My blue eyes hang down with all hope lost like a tree without leaves. You might just call me a witch by now. I can feel it in my bones, the devil’s coming. Sometimes I feel like my heart just stops and I am lost in space. Floating with an endless pain scorching my stomach. My head loses life and I spin and drift in blood and death itself. I cry myself to sleep at night sometimes hoping I don’t wake up.

Is it wrong of me to want it to all end? The pain and deaths and all the madness. I wake up and taste blood from my lip for I have been biting it in fear. I hear shrieks and screams coming from the town. It is normally from the flagellants but sometimes I hear children yell out, “Help! Help!” from the streets because their family has died. I am not aloud to hug my family for they don’t think it is safe. I need love. This might be the last time I can write to you for a long time because I get weaker every day. I can barely put on my dresses any more. Sometimes I stay in my nightgown all day. No one sees me so what does it matter. Anyway I hope that you two are having a nice time in France. I would love to hear from you and how it’s going. How’s the family? As you know mine isn’t doing so well. I wish you the best of luck and God be with you for he is not with me. Send my kisses to your mother and father.

Lots of love, Jasmine Sucré John