“What is the history of portraiture and where do I fit in as an artist? Growing and expanding myself as an artist.” This was my essential question and theme for my Senior Project. At the start of this experience, I came up with a list of expectations and goals for my project. In my list of expectations I told myself I would: “Create a collection of portraits that will represent the growth in my technical skills and the development of my artistic style. Complete 1-3 polished and large portraits (18” x 20” or more). Learn about portraiture and its role throughout history, and discover more about myself as an artist while finding confidence in all my work, including the mistakes and pieces I dislike.” I feel confident in saying that I met my expectations for this project. Looking back at the first portrait that I made during this project compared to my last piece I can see that my style has matured. There is also significant growth in my mindset and process with painting. I know more about mixing colors, good reference photos, how to hold my brush, etc. Along with improving my technical skills, my confidence grew a lot and I was able to create more pieces that I was proud of. Having that confidence in my work pushed me to create more. Throughout the 6 weeks, I observed different portraiture from exhibits and museums. After reading many different artist statements/descriptions I know more about various artists, both historical and modern ones. I didn’t go too in-depth in my research, but I was mainly focused on creating my own pieces and finding inspiration.Along with my list of expectations for the project, I also created a list of goals. The gaols I set were: “Experience being a full-time artist and learning how to work under a time constraint. Complete a portrait every day while working on bigger pieces a little bit each day. Get comfortable with making mistakes and moving past them, and lastly meeting the goals I set for myself.” Getting sick during the first week of my project set me back on some of these goals. Since I had oil paints and canvas at home I was able to paint from home, which is great. But, I lost motivation from being sick and having to stay in the same room all day. For the first 2 and half weeks of the project, I was not able to go into the art room and work from there. I realized that my procrastination is the worst at home, and I get the most work done outside my house. I had originally expected to work half in the studio and half at home, but I was not getting much done at home so I started going into the studio every day. I was able to work so much faster and I was forced to be more productive by leaving my house. I thought I could complete a portrait a day, but I was only able to do that twice and both of those paintings I dislike. However, one of my goals for this project was to push myself out of my comfort zone and accept that creating art I don’t like is just a step in the process.

I have learned a lot about myself through the experiences I’ve had over the past 6 weeks. On the first day of the project I decided to go to the Met museum alone for the first time. Everytime I have been to a museum it’s been with school or family, but it’s not something I have experienced alone. I remember standing in line and being skipped by this older looking man. This made me reflect on why he did that and if that would have happened if I wasn’t alone. Besides that experience, I realized that going to the Met alone allowed me to have more freedom in what I wanted to do and see. I feel like I’ve gained independence from going to several museums by myself.
The first 3 weeks weeks of my project were noticeably less productive than my last 3 weeks. Halfway through my project experience I didn’t have a good amount of painting done. I had gone to several museums, went farming several times, read a book about perfectionism, and watched millions of YouTube videos of other people painting portraiture. So 3 weeks into the project when I met with James and I could only show him 2 paintings, because that’s all I really had. I knew that it was not the amount of painting that I said I was going to get done, and James was not happy about that. I am grateful that someone held me accountable for the work I should have done. James gave me the push to go into the studio everyday and get as much work done as I could. I was reminded that this project could potentially be the only time in my life where I will have the luxury of painting for as long as I could everyday. That pushed me to take advantage of this. When I started to go into the studio everyday my work got significantly better. It was much easier to work in a bigger more open space, instead of my crowded room and messy desk. I also had Shauna and James around so they could advise my work throughout the week.

This project has brought up a lot of questions for me, some being: What motivates me? Where does my procrastination (specifically around art) come from? What does this passion for art/portraiture add to my life? Does painting make me happy? When is painting most fun?/least fun? Is painting something I want to continue to pursue? I had a brief moment halfway through my project where I wondered if I would have been better off choosing a project based on drawing instead of painting. I just realized how much more comfortable I am with drawing and how painting is really new to me. I felt as if I would have a better collection of drawings because I’m more experienced at it and the final product would be more polished. Whereas my experience painting has been a lot harder because I’m not as comfortable with the medium yet. The project just makes me feel like I’m at a crossroads between what medium (drawing/painting) do I want to further pursue? Both? Which do I focus on? I haven’t come to any conclusions on this question yet, but I have realized that I am not specifically drawn to any certain type of art. I am more invested in that state of creating and the process from having an idea to creating something from that idea. At the start of this project I was really focused on my end product and what I was going to show everyone in the end. But since then, I have really tried to develop a “growth mindset” rather than thinking about a finished product. Creating art that I don’t like or want to show other people is a part of getting to a point where I’ve learned enough to create something I’m proud to show other people.
Along with those more personal questions I’ve also come up with institutional questions, like: How do museums choose the work they display? Who choses that work? What is the process of choosing what works and artists to display? How much of it is influence by what they think want to see? Thinking about the steps taken to decide what goes on display in an art gallery has been helpful to me. It’s made me think about how the process of creating art is less polished/perfect than the final product you see. Things you see in museums are from artists who have that first painting that wasn’t their best work.