The Joy in Terror

Ahh, summer…was it all a dream?

Summer

Back to reality and…boxes…

Boxes

And the first day of school is upon us- YAY! So many mixed feelings. We’ve rested, we’ve developed professionally, and we’ve prepared. And yet…we still have those nagging feelings of anticipation and the unknown, feelings of not being in control. I know why we feel excited about school starting, but why do we also sometimes feel scared? More importantly, what can we do with those nerve-racking feelings and can we turn them into something productive and positive?

I think the answer is a resounding “YES”. I’ll take things a step further and suggest that we must have feelings of fear in order to do our best. Not only is it OK to not know everything, but we shouldn’t. “What?!?” says a commonly heard voice in our heads, “But we’re teachers. If anyone is supposed to ‘know’, it’s us!”

As progressive educators and life long learners, it feels important no matter how long we’ve been teaching, to stay in touch with what it feels like to be a student. And we know from experience, that terror and fear of the unknown can be a daily occurrence for students. In fact, it is part of our teacherly duties to create safe environments in which this terror for the student can be magically transformed into empowered discovery. So, perhaps terror can be a good thing.

One of my most influential creative mentors is Anne Bogart. She is the co-founder and co-artistic director of the incomparable SITI Company. SITI is a one of a kind theatre company based in New York City that is dedicated to teaching, training, international collaboration, and performance. I have trained extensively with the company and I have the utmost respect for them as teachers, theatre artists, global citizens, and philosophers.

Theatre folk often discuss the fear and excitement of living with the unknown. Whether it is the day-to-day grind or the act of devising a play, they are drawn to the terror of the unknown because it can actually bring joy. I propose that this is also true for teachers and students.

Bogart wrote seven essays that make up her stellar book, A Director Prepares. Swap the words “director” for “teacher”, “actor” for “student, and “rehearsal” for “classroom” and there are loads of helpful metaphors for progressive teaching. In her essay on “Embarrassment”, Bogart says, “You cannot create results. You can only create conditions in which something might happen.” Creating an environment of possibility is our job as teachers as well. And yes, it can be scary.

theatre-curtains

In Bogart’s essay on “Terror”, she reveals her own insecurities:

“Every time I begin work on a new production I feel as though I am out of my league; that I know nothing and have no notion how to begin and I’m sure that someone else should be doing my job, someone assured, who knows what to do, someone who is really a professional. I feel unbalanced, uncomfortable and out of place. I feel like a sham. In short, I am terrified.”

Students, too, can feel terror when starting something new. One of our jobs as progressive educators is to model embracing this terror and making the unknown (problem solving) fun and empowering.

Bogart continues…

“We all tremble in terror before the impossibility of beginning. It is important to remember that a director’s work, as with any artist, is intuitive. Many young directors make the big mistake of assuming that directing is about being in control, telling others what to do, having ideas and getting what you ask for. I do not believe that these abilities are the qualities that make a good director or exciting theatre. Directing is about feeling, about being in the room with other people; It is…about breathing, and responding fully to the situation at hand, being able to plunge and encourage a plunge into the unknown at the right moment.”

Most of us, at some point, have tried to force some desired results in the classroom, be them test scores or our own ideas; however, it probably didn’t always work. Add on the challenge of embracing differentiated learning and dealing with the terror of not knowing how each individual students will discover and create…it’s not easy! We want to facilitate learning for the students so they can authentically discover and produce vibrant results. Again though, this can be a daunting and frightening prospect, especially when welcoming in a new class for a new year.

So whether anticipating the first day of school or if it’s an arbitrary Hump Day in the middle of the school year, what it would look like if we regularly embraced the joy of the unknown? What if terror and change was a necessary part of continuing to grow? What if we embraced this? And what if our students learned to love, discover, and created their best work head on with bravery and a smile because of facing this terror ?

I look forward to us all sharing our collective moments of terror. Let’s watch them translate into the joy of discovery for learners of all ages. Have a great year!

1st Day

6 thoughts on “The Joy in Terror”

  1. You’re welcome! And thank you, Sarah.

    I’ve been thinking about a couple of other related things: Improv legend Del Close (who trained and/or influenced an astonishing amount of legendary comedians) was famous for saying, “Follow the fear.” He knew that when improvisors really listen to what’s happening and then venture into the unknown, true surprises and authentic comedy await. Close actually believed in spirits and energy conjured up by improvisors. Similarly, jazz guitar virtuoso John Scofield once said that playing jazz has made him believe in magic.

    Some of this might sound a little kooky, but all these things are about learning, practicing, and taking risks in a safe and collaborative environment, which is so appropriate for us.

  2. I think what this most reinforces for me is how often we create the same conditions for this fear in our students. We ask them everyday to take risks and in some cases to do this every hour our so in a different class under different conditions. They rarely complain, but how often are these experiences like your encounter with the boxes. I wonder if we would do as well as they do under the same circumstances. So the one thing that the students do teach us is that as adult learners we can probably tolerate a lot more risk than we realize. And if we can better structure that risk for them and for us so that we can more comfortably step into the unknown (i.e., that the fall might only be a few feet and not into some dark chasm) what learning — what magic — might be waiting for us on the other side? Thanks for the provocation.

    1. You’re welcome, and thank you! I love the idea of improving the structure of taking risks- for both students and teachers. Perhaps we as a faculty could do an even better job of discussing and implementing this.

  3. Love this Dave, thanks for sharing…especially like the idea of us “sharing our collective moments of terror”. I had one today in my first “classroom tech “class, but I learned that when I shared my feelings with my 3rd graders, they were totally supportive. What a relief to know we don’t have to have all the answers and that yes, we too are life long learners. That’s a big part of why we became teachers, yes?

    1. Yes, Celeste! And thank you. I know for me, it’s helpful to be reminded of this. Thank you for sharing your experience of terror and I’m glad (and not surprised) that the students were supportive and understanding. Sometimes when attempting to draw something on the board, I will reveal to my class that I am not a good drawer at all, but that I’ll do my best. Every time, they are patient and even give me compliments on my stick figures.

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