Adolescent Issues Meet Family Values

Dear Families,

This past Monday night, Middle School psychologist Andrew Weiss, psychology intern Rebecca Platt and I enjoyed a spirited discussion with fifth grade parents as part of our annual Adolescent Issues Parent Evening. We spent much time talking about the many ways in which adolescents seek to test boundaries and that this can invariably lead to a certain level of conflict. As Andrew astutely observed, the goal for parents and teachers is not to find ways to avoid this conflict, but rather to work through it. For it is precisely these moments of conflict that define where the boundaries are and how they connect to the values that serve as a foundation for your family and for us at LREI. Navigating through these waters is certainly difficult for both kids, parents and teachers, but is is essential. We also acknowledged that these values may differ from family to family and with the school and that this can create additional challenges.

We talked about the challenge of responding to difficult questions that we may not want or feel prepared to answer. We agreed that acknowledging the significance of a question is important, but that we may want to let our child know that we want to think about it for a bit to figure out the best may to respond. In this way, we can model thoughtful and reflective thinking for our child as we look for the best way to enter into the conversation. We talked about the importance of finding a response that was honest, but that also felt comfortable with regard to what you may or may not want to share with your child.

Many parents felt that their child’s “need to know” was also challenged by the ease with which information can be accessed in a digital age. Whether intentionally or by accident, it is surprisingly easy for children to stumble upon information that may be misleading, confusing, or scary. While we might want to try to limit what a child can access so only that which is developmentally appropriate can be found, we acknowledged that this is probably impossible. That makes it all the more important to understand and to become comfortable with the information/entertainment tools that our children are using. Knowing how to IM, text, blog, and access social networking sites is crucial. Let your kids teach you these skills and while they are teaching you, you can be helping them to understand how you expect them to use these tools in ways that are consistent with your values. You’ll probably also have a lot of fun in the process.

On a related note, there was much conversation about how parents can keep a pulse on what their child is thinking and wondering about as they move through adolescence. Many parents commented that this is compounded by the fact that as their child is seeking greater independence s/he may appear unwilling to want to share what is going on in his/her life. Many of you commented about how important it is to keep trying, but not to push too hard. The metaphor of a set of closed doors surrounding the adolescent was offered. we agreed that is important to knock regularly on these doors and to not always knock on the same door. And despite all this knocking, we need to be okay with the fact that the child may not always open the door. This regular knocking lets them know that when they are ready to talk to us about an issue, we will be there ready to listen. As it is in the classroom, the student wants to know where the boundaries are and wants to make sure that they are enforced. When the boundaries are vague and inconsistent students to not feel safe and will find it hard to take the risks that are required to do good thinking. In the same way, the regular knocking on the doors of adolescent issues creates a sense of safety and consistency that is so important. Each time you knock, you also send an important message about what you value.

Towards the end of our conversation, I commented that one of the things that so impresses we with our students is that when the stakes are high and a friend is at risk they really do rise to the occasion. We often become aware of issues because students tell us. They tell us because they know that we care about them and want to help, but at a deeper level, they tell us because they truly care about their classmates. This caring for others is hugely significant. For parents, adolescence marks the beginning of a “letting go” and by the end of adolescence, your young adults will be very much responsible for their lives. Because we/you can’t always be there for them, we hope that the values that we have worked to instill in them holdfast and guide them through difficult moments. This is the clearest evidence that that you and your child are productively making your way through adolescence. I see ample evidence of this in our students and it is a reflection of the hard work that you do at home and that we reinforce at school.

Keep knocking and talking!

This Week’s Attachments
General:
2008-2009 LREI Calendar
Eighth Grade:
Seventh Grade:
Sixth Grade:
Fifth Grade:

Of General Interest . . .
1) Summers at LREI news: Summers at LREI offers six weeks of programs from June 23-August 1. Programs are:

  • Little Red Summer Camp, day camp for ages 3.5-10
  • Musical Theater Workshop for ages 7-14
  • LREI Institute, an academic and arts program for ages 10-14.

General registration for Little Red Summer Camp and Musical Theater Workshop is currently open. You may download the registration form from the Summers at LREI website or call the Summers at LREI office to receive a hard copy in the mail. Registration for LREI Institute will begin in late March. Please see the attached flyer for a listing of the major workshops being offered this year. Feel free to contact the Summers at LREI office with any questions at 212-477-5316 ext. 506 or email cfriesen@lrei.org.

2) Big Auction 2008 is coming on May 1. You should have received an invitation during the last week – if not please contact Pippa Gerard at pgerard@lrei.org. Attached is a flyer about a wonderful auction tradition – the community afghan. If you are a knitter or crocheter there is still time to participate and donate a square to be included in the afghan. April 11th is the deadline for afghan submissions.

3) As a class fundraiser, the ninth graders are collecting used ink jet cartridges and old/broken cell phones. They will send the collected items to an organization that recycles them and the class will receive cash for these items. Please note that the collection is limited to used ink jet cartridges and old/broken cell phones. For additional information go to www.fundingfactory.com. They will begin collecting used cartridges and cell phones on Wednesday, February 6th and will continue until Thursday, May 22nd. A collection box will be located in the Sixth Avenue lobby. Tell your friends and family about this opportunity so that these items can be recycled and don’t end up in landfills.

4) For updates on faculty performances, openings, presentations, and publications visit the Faculty in the News page on the school web site.

5) LREI is a member of NYC-Parents in Action (NYC-PIA). NYC-PIA provides parenting education, information and a communications network to help parents prepare their children and teenagers to cope with social pressures and to make sound choices towards a future free of alcohol and drug abuse. Please read the attached flyer to view their 2007-2008 calendar. You can also access their website at http://www.parentsinaction.org/.

  • Seminar with Dr. Mel Levine: NYC-PIA and Mt. Sinai Children’s Center Foundation are co-sponsoring a seminar with Dr. Mel Levine on Thursday, April 17, 2008 at the 92nd Street Y at 1395 Lexington Avenue. In this seminar,”A Mind in the Middle: What Leads To, Takes Place, and Results from Middle School Learning”, Dr. Levine will speak about the critical brain changes that occur during early adolescence. Please make a reservation by calling us at (212)987-9629.
  • Luncheon Speaker Event: On Tuesday, May 6th, NYC-Parents in Action is holding a luncheon speaker event, “Ready, Set, Go: Preparing for Transitions in Childhood and the Tween Years”. The speakers are Jean Mandelbaum, Head of All Souls Preschool and Jeanette Friedman, consultant and therapist focusing on the causes and effects of substance use in teens and families. To receive your invitation to this luncheon, contact your NYC-PIA School Representative Carol Pratt.

For all Grades:
1) Please note that the Family Conferences scheduled for Wednesday, April 16th, from 12:15-3:30PM, will take place the following week on Wednesday, April 23 (this will still be a full day for students). These conferences will be with your child’s advisor and will address work in all subjects. Your child’s advisor will contact you to set up a conference on either Friday, April 18, or Wednesday, April 23. These two conferences days will not be days to meet with individual subject area teachers. If you have questions or concerns about a specific subject you should contact that teacher directly to set up a time to meet or speak on the phone.

2) A reminder that Grandparents and Special Friends Day is scheduled for Friday, May 9. For Middle School students, those grandparents and special friends who do attend will be treated to a tour of the school by their student from 1:00-2:30PM, which will be followed by tea, coffee and discussion with Phil and I. We will send invitations home, which you can send to a grandparent or special friend. Click here to view the invitation.

For Eighth Grade Families . . . .
1) Please note that the science Forensics Evening, which had been scheduled for Thursday, April 3, will take place on Wednesday, April 23, at 6:00PM in the Sixth Avenue auditorium.

2) The Eighth Grade DISC Dance has been rescheduled for Friday, April 18. The dance will take place at 40 Charlton Street and will run from 7:30-9:30PM.

3) For those students continuing on to the high school, the math placement exam will be given on Tuesday, April 29, 2008, 3:30PM – 4:30 PM at 40 Charlton Street.

For Seventh Grade Families . . .
1) Monday, April 14th from 6:30PM to 8:00PM: Adolescent Issues Parent Evening

2) On Friday, April 25, the seventh grade will travel to Philadelphia for the day to visit Independence Hall and the Constitution Center. Additional information from Matthew and Victor will be forthcoming.

For Sixth Grade Families . . .
1) Practice days for the fifth and sixth grade intramural softball program are Tuesday and Thursday mornings at 7AM at Houston Street Ball Field. Players should bring gloves; all other equipment will be provided. If you have not done so already, you should also download and complete a copy of the permission form. Louis Hernandez and Peter Fisher will run the program.

2) The Sixth Grade DISC Dance is scheduled for this Friday, April 11, at St. Lukes. The dance will run from 7-9PM. Please make sure that your child has turned in a completed permission form and has brought in the $6 admission fee.

3) Monday, April 14th from 6:30PM to 8:00PM: Adolescent Issues Parent Evening

For Fifth Grade Families . . .
1) Practice days for the fifth and sixth grade intramural softball program are Tuesday and Thursday mornings at 7AM at Houston Street Ball Field. Players should bring gloves; all other equipment will be provided. If you have not done so already, you should also download and complete a copy of the permission form. Louis Hernandez and Peter Fisher will run the program.

2) A reminder that a follow up discussion evening with the folks from Parents In Action is scheduled for Thursday, May 8, at 6:15PM. Childcare will be available for this event. Please email Mary Shea directly at mshea@lrei.org to confirm that you will need childcare.

For additional information, follow these links:

  • Calendar of Events
  • LREI Athletics. For general LREI Athletics news go to this link . This page will provide general announcements, game summaries, league standings and season recaps.
  • Click here to view the Middle School Photo Gallery.

A reminder that the homework blog “feeds” for every class can be accessed from the Digital Classroom link on the sidebar (you may want to bookmark this page for easy access). These feeds provide an easy “one-click” solution to find out what has been assigned for homework. Keep in mind that a feed will only show what has been posted as of the time you check it.

Don’t forget to check the LREI website for updates and other interesting school-related information.

Be well,
Mark

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