Category Archives: Humor

Sep
04
2014

ARTEMIS FOWL, THE LAST GUARDIAN EOIN COLFER

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This book takes place in two different worlds. The human world, and the underground fairy world. The main characters are Artemis Fowl, his bodyguard Butler, and a LEP (Lower Elements Police) officer the elf Holly Short from the underground fairy world. The main problem is the super villain, the pixie Opal Koboi.

Opal has reanimated buried fairy warriors called the Berserkers. She has bonded them to do her bidding. Opal’s master plan is to destroy the humans. But to do that, she must unleash the power of Danu. The main character Artemis Fowl decides he must sacrifice to stop Opal. Of course, no one expected this. Artemis has always been very self preserving, and sort of greedy. Here is a quote announcing that. “Artemis Fowl planned to attack with the one weapon Opal Koboi would never suspect him of possessing: his humanity.”

I found this book funny, intense, and full of suspense. I really enjoyed it. If you like that sort of thing to, you should totally read it. There are also some really surprising moments, of course, but that is to be expected. It’s Artemis Fowl. He always was surprising. I would rate this book ten out of five stars.

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Sep
03
2014

The Blood Guard By Carter Roy

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This summer I read the book, The Blood Guard by Carter Roy. It takes place in Brooklyn, and an anonymous urban/suburban area. The main characters are Evelyn (Ronan) Truelove, Greta, Ronan’s redheaded old classmate and Jack Dawkins, a member of the blood guard and teenaged pickpocket. In the beginning of the book there was a prologue.  Ronan stayed home sick for school. And the house mysteriously got set on fire… He evacuated safely after leaping of the roof of his house. The main problem begins when Ronan gets picked up from his new school (because he moved after his house blew up) by his mom and she told him that his dad got kidnapped and they got chased by the “police”. They actually are not police.

 

 

That was a lot of information. Let me get down to the basics. There are 36 Pure human beings who always, every single time do the right thing. If one of them dies, something really bad happens to the world. WWII happened because one of the Pure died. They are the glue that keeps together the world.

 

By the way, the people who kidnapped Ronan’s nerdy dad were the people who were chasing Ronan’s mom, Bree, and Ronan. Yeah, those people I called “police” are actually agents of a bad guy group called the Bend Sinister. They believe that the world is horrible and they want a new start where they are the only people in the world left and then they can start anew. They are basically terrorists. “HOW IN THE WORLD CAN YOU GET RID OF BILLIONS OF PEOPLE BUT YOU!!!??,” You might be asking yourself. The answer is simple. Assassinate the 36 Pure.

 

The good guys in this book are, of course, the Blood Guard. They are people who dedicate their lives to protect the Pure. Bree is one of the Blood Guard. And much more characters you discover are too! Throughout the book the Bend Sinister chase Ronan for an unknown reason. There is a lot more, I just don’t want to spoil it. Come on, do yourself a favor and read this fantabulous book. The problem does get resolved,  and I’m talking about almost everything I mentioned. Almost…

 

(PS, I couldn’t find a quote to say that the problem was resolved.)

 

 

Here are my ratings of this awesome book. I enjoyed reading it over a weekend not in 2 hours like I do with some books. I also enjoyed the book because it was medium paced. It does not have many cliffhangers, and you can put it down whenever you want which is not always the case with some books. I would recommend this book to an action adventure and humor reader that has a fair amount of time on his/her hands. I say this because it is not a skinny book but it is not as fat as War and Peace or Moby Dick so you will probably finish it in a few days if you keep at it. I would rate this book four out of five stars.

 

Sep
02
2014

Knightly and Son by Rohan Gavin

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imgresMy mom bought me this book when she was in London. It is a mystery novel about a 13 year old boy named Darkus who has a strange fondness for tweed coats. Alan Knightly, his father, is London’s top private detective. He went into a coma four years ago in the middle of a case about a secret criminal organization called The Combination. The Code is a best selling book that may be linked to The Combination that’s making regular people commit crimes. One day a stranger from the Department of the Unexplained arrives with news of his father, and that’s just the beginning…

Darkus’s mother, Jackie, divorced Alan and married Clive Palmer. A very lazy, ugly, and rude man. Clive’s daughter, Matilda (Tilly) is the same age as Darkus and is very good at science. You will find more characters as you read the book.

My favorite part of the book is when Tilly looks from her window and light is shining in a weird way and she finds out it’s Morse Code.  Tilly goes on her computer and translates the light flashes to find out they mean, “S.O.S. Come asap. Darkus. S.O.S. Come asap. Darkus.” I like that part because I thought it was really cool that she figured it out so quickly and that Darkus knew Morse Code. The only thing I didn’t like about the book is that the author would explain one thing for a long time.

I would recommend this book to people who like mysteries because it is about a detective and his son. Secondly, you can read it in a week or two because it’s 330 pages long. Lastly, I would like to say that the whole book is typed in british slang.

I would rate this book out of .

Sep
02
2014

The Outcast by John Flanagan

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Hal is a very interesting teenager, his dad died fighting. Hal is an Outcast in Skandia. He has one friend named Stig whose father ran away.

It is about to be brotherband training where the 15-year-old boys train to be real warriors. So on the day the choose there brother bands Hal gets the group with all the outcast and he is there leader.

Hal is a very smart kid and is a day ahead of the other two brother bands already. But when it comes to training it gets harder for them and it gets more and more athletic every day.

Soon comes the part on a boat, Hal made his own boat named the Heron. She is different from other Skandia’s boats. And during one race one boat gets stuck and can’t compete brotherband training.

Any mistake they make they could lose. It difficulties is hard to match but eventually the win. And win brotherband training they are rewarded to protect a special artifact for a night. And the one night they’re there it gets stolen. They leave to get it back. Will the get it back or will the die! Read this awesome series to find out.

I really liked this book it was 5 out of 5 stars and is and is awesome because it grips on you like a claw and makes you want to read more. Read this book if you like adventure books and books by John Flanagan.

 

Aug
29
2014

Dead End in Norvelt by Jack Gantos

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Dead End in Norvelt by Jack Gantos is about a boy named Jack who is eleven years old and lives with his Mom, Dad, horse and turkeys. He lives in Norvelt, a really small town in Pennsylvania that’s named after Eleanor Roosevelt. His Dad was in the army so he has some rifles that Jack accidentally shot himself with.

Jack’s problem is that his Dad is worried that the Russians would attack them so  he wanted to protect the town by building a bomb shelter in their backyard but too do that Jack has to cut down his Mom’s cornfield. That’s why his Mom grounds him for the summer.  He spends his summer digging a bomb shelter and helping Miss Volker. Miss Volker was given a job by Eleanor Roosevelt to be the town health helper. Every time a person dies she calls Jack to write an obituary (it’s a news article that reports the recent death of a person ) of that person. Jack then takes it to Mr. Greene, who runs the newspaper, to print in the next newspaper. Whenever he goes to Mr. Greene, Mr. Greene says, “There’s only one reason why you could be here.”.

I really enjoyed the book. It takes a while to read since each page has a lot of information so you have to re-read a lot of pages. I mostly enjoyed it because it’s really funny, for example, Bunny, who’s Jack’s friend, makes Jack touch a dead person. There are other parts I enjoyed, especially when Jack’s Dad lands a plane he won while gambling in right field and when Miss Volker does an operation on Jack. You would enjoy this book if you don’t mind people dying because a lot of people die in it. I would give this book five out of five stars since it’s so funny!

 

Jun
03
2014

Smile by Raina Telgemeier

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The main character is Raina. She is smart and a worry bug. She has a lot of friends and a younger brother and a younger sister. They annoy her very much. She has a mom and a dad.

She is liking school with all her friends until she needs… BRACES! But I don’t mean just braces. I mean CAVITY’S AND RETAINERS AND SURGERY AND BLOOD AND TEETH BEING PULLED.

 

For so many years. Every 2 weeks she goes to the dentist. Finally when middle school ends she gets excited to go to a different high school with no friends to start a new life. But then she sees all her friends. She goes to the same highschool as people she wanted to get away from. Everyone is mean. Including her friends. She has to go to highschool. What about college?

I loved the book so much! I would give it 5 ***** out of 5***** . You should read it. I recommend this book to people who like DRAMA, FRIENDSHIP, REALISTIC FICTION.

There new book is coming out if you like this one. SISTERS!

 

Jun
03
2014

Unwanteds :Island of fire

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This book is called Unwanteds written by Lisa McMann.This takes place on a island called Artime. Artime is an island that is green all over but has a mansion in the middle.  If you have read my other book reviews then you know that the main character is a boy named Alex and his new friends Sky and Crow, and his old friends Meghan, Samheed and Lani. In the third book Alex is under pressure now that the Unwanteds have no food, no water and are looking to Alex for answers. As Alex tries to pull everything together by getting the voice stealing thorn necklace off Meghan and finding Lani and Sameed.

In Quill, another section of the Island, Aaron has been planning an attack on Artime ever since he got a band of people riled up and then when he had taken over as high priestess and kidnapped high priestess haluki. Alex has to now decipher a cryptic note Mr.Today had left at his parting, a riddle:

Follow the dots at the traveling sun

Magnify, focus, every one

Stand enrobed where you first saw me

Utter in order; repeat times three.

“The unwanteds were beginning to starve. He handed it back to Henry and shook his head.”Give it to meg,”he said.”no, wait… to Carina Fathom and her baby. They need it most. Alex swallowed hard a

nd turned away so he wouldn’t be tempted to grab it back again.”  Alex is sacrificing everything for the Unwanteds, so they can live and keep Mr. Todays legend going.

I enjoyed this book because it has twists and turns you would never expect to happen, for example how Megan’s character had the necklace of thorns inserted on her neck and how they kidnapped Governor Haluki. I would recommend thisbook to people who like magical realism, action, adventure and drama. Unwanted would be a book for anyone who like dystopian books. The events in the stories fit like a puzzle piece. I would give this book 4 stars.

 

Jun
03
2014

Dumpling Days

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The book that I was reading is called Dumpling Days, and the author is Grace Lin or Pacy Lin ( Pacy is her Chinese name.) The main character is Grace Lin or Pacy Lin ( This book is about the author, that’s why the main character has the same name as the author.) Pacy has two sisters and a big family, her sisters are Lissy and Kiki. She has an uncle but she doesn’t know his name so she calls him Uncle Flower, she has a dad and a mom, and a lot more siblings. The main character is trying to get better at painting because in another book, The Year Of The Dog, Grace got the 3rd place award in making books for all schools and Grace made a picture book with her drawings in it and when she takes a trip to China she has to go to a painting class. There is a girl who makes mean faces to her so Grace thinks of her as an enemy. Who Grace tries to be a better painter than the girl that is mean to Grace in Grace’s painting class. This book takes place in China because Grace took a trip to China for the first time also to see her family there.
Grace is not having the best time in China. She is having trouble speaking chinese, she feels like people are bullying her. She gets really sad and feels like she wants to go home when she goes to a night market. Grace might be able to win the art contest, will she beat her part-enemy? Grace has another problem, when people come up to her and speak chinese to her, Grace’s mom tells them they she can’t speak chinese ( this is how you say it in chinese —> wo bu hui swo xiong wo. ← that is how you say I can’t speak chinese, in chinese ) “How did I say I couldn’t speak Chinese, again? I couldn’t remember. What were those words Mom had taught us on the train?” “Meiguoren! Meiguoren! I said. That was the only word I could remember. American. She had the same look in her eyes as that mean bus driver in New Hartford from so long ago. My cheeks burned red as if her words were slapping my face. “Meiguoren! Meiguoren!” I said again, stupidly-like a parrot. I didn’t know what else to say. I felt like crying. “What’s up?” Clifford said, grabbing my arm. The woman yelled something at him. “ Dui Bu Qi, dui bu qi,” he said as he waved her away, and nudges me toward the road. “Sorry, sorry.” I saw her shake her head in disapproval and disgust as Clifford dragged me away. “She was mad at me!” I said to Clifford. “She wasn’t mad, exactly,” he said. “She just didn’t understand why you couldn’t speak Chinese.” A heavy feeling fell upon me. Like a crushing boulder.”
I enjoyed this book a lot. I like it because Grace is Chinese, like me. I like this book because I’ve been to China before. I also like this book because Grace is very much like me. Another reason I like this book is because the setting is in China. I would recommend this book to chinese kids because they might relate to this book. I would recommend this book to 8-12 year olds. I think a lot of people would like this book, maybe even adults. I like this book a lot and so does Clarissa (my sister) and Olivia P (my friend). I would recommend this book to asian kids too. I like it a lot so I think kids around 4th or 3rd grade would like it too. I would rate this book five stars out of five, 5 ***** out of 5 *****. If I could I would rate this book 10 stars!   

 

May
28
2014

The Day My Butt Went Psycho! By Andy Griffiths

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This is my 7th book review!vutt

I think book is better than any book I have ever read. Everywhere on the cover it says based on a true story. It even has a paragraph about how it is based on a true story. The main character is Zach Freeman. This is the first thing he said before he started telling the story.”This is my story. It really happened. It’s all true. Not even the names have been changed. I agree to tell my story in the hope that others can learn from it, and I would like to thank Andy Griffiths for helping me to get it down on paper. Like most people I took my butt for granted for too long. If this book can save even just one person from making the same mistake, then I will be happy. Who knows? The next butt it saves might be yours. May your butt be with you always.” He has a butt that can detach itself from his body. His butt is like the king of all butts. Now you might think this is a weird thing but it is not. This thing happens a lot. Zack Freeman is ready to tell his story of a brave boy and his crazy runaway butt. The story has a crack butt-fighting unit called the B-team, a legendary Butt Hunter’s awesome daughter, and some of the ugliest, biggest and meanest butts ever to roam the face of the Earth. Zack goes on an epic journey across the Great Windy Desert, through the Brown Forest, and over the Sea of Butts before descending into the heart of an explosive buttcano to confront the biggest, ugliest, and meanest butt of them all! In the story they have disobedient butts, runaway butts, psycho butts, kamikaze butts, exploding butts, cluster butts, nuclear butts, giant unwiped butts, butt rallies, buttcachters, butt-fighters, butt hunters, butt guns and explosive buttcanos. This book has some insane animals too. Zach travels through The Great Windy Desert, The Brown Forest and The Sea of Butts.  This book has a lot of mystery, cliffhangers and plot changers in this book. I recommend this book to people that like funny books. I rate this book 5 stars.

 

May
28
2014

The Bell Bandit by Jacqueline Davies

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bell banditThe Bell Bandit is an fantastic book by Jacqueline Davies. Jesse and Evan are the main characters and they are brother and sister.  In the Bell Bandit they have to try and find the missing bell. The story takes place at their grandmother’s house in the countryside in 2013. Jesse and Evan also have other problems along the way as they try to find the bell. For example, their grandmother goes missing. It is very scary for them.

Jesse is very intelligent and she is very good at solving puzzles, but this puzzle stumped her. When Evan was looking for grandma, Jesse was looking for the Bell with her new friend Maxwell. Maxwell has a scene when he is freaked out and runs by evan and say “Ahhhhhhhhhh!”. Maxwell likes the television show called Maxwell Smart, so he does a joke where he always says, “I’m smart!” This get Jesse a little mad because she is the smart one and she doesn’t understand the joke until later on. She tries her very best to solve all the problems, but she doesn’t realize that she needs a little bit of help. Her brother can be very social, so that’s when Jesse needs the help. He is social and she is smart so they are better at working together as a pair.

I like this book because I feel like I can connect to it. Jesse has an older brother, like I do, and sometimes her brother doesn’t give her as much attention as she wants. I also feel the way Jesse acts connects to me. She has a funny way that she likes to solve problems and I have that way too. I would recommend this book to people who like books about stuff that can actually happen in real life, because everything in this book could happen in real life. This book makes me feel like adventures can happen that I can make myself. I would rate this book 4 stars because it was an amazing story; although some parts were quite confusing. I also suggest reading the two books before this book. I have also written a book review on both of those.

This was my 8th book review