I shiver, i’m cold, my teeth chatter, it is not cold where I am, but i’m drowning in a pool of cold tears. I don’t know how I can continue to live like this. Continue with my life being set up for me, not having a choice about how I will live. But I want to live well, I want to grow up and have as many sons as I please, I want to marry whoever I want. But I do not have that choice nor does Shabanu. Mother didn’t have that choice, that choice to be free, free to be with whomever she wished. I want to be free. But the thought of knowing that I can’t be free, and the thought of knowing that I can’t be happy with whoever I want. Slowly shuts my eyes and makes everything dark, it’s as if i’m seeing my soul and how dark, stormy and filled with sorrow  it is. But I know that it’s just my eyes telling me to relax and let go and to sleep a good night’s sleep. And to have some hope, in my mind and in my heart that everything will be okay.