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I don’t want things to change, I don’t want to grow older. I don’t want to marry anyone! But, sadly all of these things are happening. I am growing older, I just lost Guluband, and now we have to go to see Hamir and go to the marriage of Phulan and him. I fear that very soon, too soon the person in the beautiful gown will be me. “But at the center of my self is an aching hole. With Guluband, my joy, my freedom, all of who I am has gone. I wonder if I will take pleasure in anything ever again.” Page 63. By now I have learned that I must move on from thigns like losing Guluband. Even though he is not here at the moment, he still has a place in my heart. Though, a more pressing concern remains. With Phulan getting married, and us only separated by a year, I will soon be married. I don’t want to be controlled by any man no matter how beautiful they are. I want to be free like Fatima. That just makes me more scared. I am slowly learning that I must get married. It is just a tradition that I must follow. But, I don’t want to be married, will I get beaten like Fatima. I have so many unanswered questions. Well, I must have to look on the bright side, maybe I will have a good husband, like mama and dadi. Finally, I know that during this part of my life, many things will change. Losing Guluband is just the first of many changes. If I will continue in my life, I must let change happen. God will make everything go the right way as long as I can live with change. This skill is something that I must have for the rest of my life and now, it is the most pressing concern that I have.
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