Chapter 1

Warning

 

 

“Welcome to the Tonight Show With Jimmy Fallon!” Dad said. “We have two special guests tonight. One is my son, Jim Fallon! The other, M.V.P. of the 2013-2014 N.B.A. season, Kevin Durant!” and K.D. runs out besides me and does a 360 reverse dunk in the basketball hoop before sitting down. I felt like I was the luckiest kid in the world at that moment, sitting next to the greatest basketball player of this century. We fist-bumped, and I vowed to never clean that knuckle again. Then Dad goes into joke mode. “Hey, K.D., the other night Jim was reading the sports section in the news, and the first thing he said was, ‘Dad, you never told me there was a Thunderstorm last night. I would have warned the Bulls!’” and the audience erupted in laughter. All of a sudden I get a notification on my phone saying that someone had broken into our home, and sprint out of the building with my heart beating 200 miles an hour. I didn’t stop until I was at home.

 

“Where is it! I said, where is it!” I asked my phone, which was on a tracking device that was trying to locate my book. I was so worried I was going to get arrested if I didn’t get the book back. “I. don’t. know. Mr. Homer. Aflack.” replied the phone. “What is wrong with this phone! First it tells me that it knows where the book is, and now you’re acting like a robot! What kind of Samsung thingamajig is this!” “Version. 4, Homer.” the phone said. “Aw, just shut your microphone already!” and I throw the phone across the room. I have a problem with phones, as you can see. I hear a beep coming from where my phone was and burst into applause. That beep meant the phone figured out where the book is. “Congrats, phone, you finally figured out something! Even though we don’t know where the book is right now, we know it’s near you!” “Actually. Mr. I. Beeped. Because. You. Got. A. Notification. That. The. Book. Isn’t. Here. It’s. Moving. At. 8. MPH. Towards. Here. Better. Run.” the phone said as the doorknob turns. “Be quiet, phone. I’m leaving you here. I’ll come and get you A.S.A.P. Gotta run.” and I jump out the window and run into the woods as the door opens.

 

“What happened here?” The place was trashed. I guess the burglar tried making a mess instead of stealing anything. Or maybe the book. I should probably give you a little background about this.

 

This all started around two weeks ago. I was ordering this new book, called The Blood Of Poseidon, from a random website I thought was okay to trust. Dad said I shouldn’t trust it but I didn’t listen to him. The book was cheap on this website, like 20 cents, and I only had a dollar so it was a good for me. On Amazon it was 20 dollars. Anyway, the book came a week later, from a company called Kcalfa Remoh, with no return address or anything. Just the book, box and a Kcalfa Remoh sticker. It made me think about my decision on using that website. I opened the box, and inside was a white book with a little lock. I could tell that this wasn’t the right book. I saw the cover online, and it was black and blue. This had some sort of code on the front, but on the back, in English, it said, “This is none of your business. Leave this book alone or something bad could happen.” I knew that threat couldn’t be true because we live in a cave in the woods that no one besides us knows is there. That’s when I figured out that I need to listen to Dad more.

 

I went to the closet to get some wire to pick the lock. We had some steel wire, which is the best to pick a lock. Once the lock was open, I opened up to the first page. It was all written in a code. It looked like hieroglyphs and Taiwanese combined. I figured that it must have been important  because it was in code. I grabbed the computer to take pictures of the book so I could search it with Google image. That didn’t help so much. It didn’t recognise any of it except a circle with two code letters inside: Kcalfa Remoh. That must have been the company’s logo, I thought. So I Googled Kcalfa Remoh, and it came up with the Wiki definition: “Stay away from this company. The owner is unknown to everybody, but we do know he’s a bad guy. Don’t ever order something from their website or ever go onto it. They have a way to figure out where you live and what type of key your front door needs just from looking at the website.” That got me extremely worried. I called Dad straight away, it went straight to voicemail. Since then, I hadn’t been home because I knew that someone would break in.

 

 

Chapter 2

What On Earth Is Going On?

 

“Where are you going, Jim?” but it was too late. He was already out the door and running. I pulled out my phone and I had a text from the alarm company saying that the alarm’s going off. That’s why he left, I thought. I grabbed the microphone and said, “Sorry, everybody. The show needs to end early tonight. I have a problem at my house I need to fix right now. You’ll all get a refund.” and I started running home as well, with my heart almost exploding, while the crowd said, “C’mon, Jimmy! Ya gotta stay!”

 

I was out of breath when I got there. The first thing I noticed is that the place was trashed. Either Jim was acting like a lunatic, the ceiling had a hole in it again or someone broke in. I went up to Jim and asked him what happened. He said he thought someone broke in, and it was probably someone trying to find the book. “He didn’t know I had it with me, so he trashed the place looking for it. I found his phone though, but it has a password. I tried every word that I had found out from the book and box, except Kcalfa Remoh.” He said. “Well, why don’t you try that?” and somehow, that worked. Me and Jim went crazy until we figured out it just had a tracking device on it, no text or phone applications. We decided to crash the phone, hoping that it would make the Kcalfa Remoh guys not come back.

 

 

I am so worried. I feel like I’m going to die any second now. It’s really nerve wracking knowing someone is stalking you. Hopefully you’ve never witnessed it before.

 

After me and dad had a little chat, we went to the camping store. We were going to be camping until this guy gets arrested or we find somewhere else to live. We got a tent, a few flashlights, a portable barbecue, charcoal and lots and lots of bacon and honey nut cheerios. Those are my two favorite foods, followed by pop tarts. We got lots of those as well. Anything you could possibly need to go camping was in our truck. We have a Porsche Cayenne and a big cart that we pull behind to put everything in. Our license plate is JFJF 43TTS. Try to figure out what that stands for.(Hint hint clue clue TTS stands for The Tonight Show)

 

Then we started the long drive to Westchester. I felt bad for Dad. I just sat in the back playing on my I-Pad I got for my birthday last month. I mostly just watched my phone, seeing if I was getting a notification about the alarm. No notification came up, so I just played Madden NFL Mobile the rest of the way there.

 

Around 15 minutes later I drifted off to sleep. I had a dream that I was David Wright. It was opening day, 2015, and I was at bat. On the first pitch I saw, the ball turned giant and hit my whole body, and I passed out.

 

Chapter 3

What’s Wrong With This Guy?

 

 

“Oh, lookit, here’s the car!” I said to no one. I had a plan to crash into the Fallons car and steal the book. To me, Jimmy Fallon’s an idiot, which is why I knew my plan would work. It did, except that their car got stuck into my truck with Jim Fallon in it. At least I could get the book. I was so excited, worried, and nervous. Excited because I could get the book, worried because I was driving the wrong way on a busy road, and nervous because if the police catch me going the wrong way, with a Porsche in my passenger seat, I’ll be sent to jail for sure. If I went the other direction, Jimmy would recognise my truck and get the ambulance to go after it. If I continued, the police would send me to jail. So I just crossed over to the other side of the rode and all the way to the Fallons cave in the forest.

 

 

We’re now on the interstate, hopefully, I thought. I looked in the mirror and saw that Jim had fallen asleep. My foot’s falling asleep. I can barely drive any longer. All of a sudden I see that a truck is going the wrong way down the road, at around 90 miles per hour, heading straight for us. That’s the last thing I saw for what felt like forever.

 

I woke up when the ambulance arrived. “NEEEEEEE NAAAAAAAAAA! NEEEEEEE NAAAAAAAAAA! NEEEEEEE NAAAAAAAAAA! NEEEEEEE NAAAAAAAAAA! NEEEEEEE AAAAAAAAA!” It was so annoying I don’t know how a person in a coma could possibly stay asleep while that happened. Jim was passed out in the car, which was now in the passenger seat of the truck that hit us driving away. Or at least that’s what the doctors told me. I tried to get up in the ambulance and I faceplanted in agony. It felt like both of my legs were going to fall off. Luckily they didn’t.

 

The ambulance drove me to the Westchester hospital. They were giving me medicine and other gross tasting stuff on the way there. One of the nurses asked me my name and I said Jimmy Fallon. She then went crazy. “OMG OMG OMG OMG! YOU’RE MY FAVORITE COMEDIAN EVER! Will you marry me?” I told her, “I’m already married. Even if I wasn’t, I wouldn’t go marrying someone as a ugly as Christina Aguilera.” It was a quiet journey the rest of the way.

 

When we got to the hospital the doctor told me that I have a bad concussion and 2 broken legs. I asked the doctor where Jim was and she said, “I have absolutely no idea, but we will find him and the crazy dude. Then we will send the crazy dude to jail, but just lay down and sleep. You need to rest.”

 

 

“Dangit. I didn’t know Jimmy had the book. Please don’t turn me in. I would highly appreciate it.” I said. “Oh, shut up already” said the cop. My truck had already been towed, and same with their Porsche. Jim was on his way to the hospital, and I was on my way to jail. For the rest of my life. I guess this is the end of me.

 

 

I’m in the hospital bed. I have the same as my Dad, apparently. A bad concussion and 2 broken legs. For some reason there’s a weird guy above me. His name is Jake Birdie. He said that he was the starting quarterback for the Jets and a huge fan of Jimmy Fallon. “Hey, how are you feeling?” he said. “Better, I guess. I won’t be out of here for a few weeks. Nothing I can do except watch T.V. Good thing it’s NFL season!” I said. “Yeah, you can watch me play in the Super Bowl, hopefully. Or maybe I’ll give you tickets to go to the game!” Jake said. He seemed like a cool guy. “Yeah, that would be sick. See you at the Super Bowl!”

 

 

“Hey, Jimmy, this is officer Dan Blakymund. I have some news about that code book that Jim got by accident. Homer Aflack, the bad guy, told us what it said. He said it was all of his robberies and murders. He was keeping track of them so that he could remember them. Weird guy. Will you tell Jim for me?” Dan said. “Sure, he’ll be so happy to hear the good news.” I said.

“Hey, Jim, guess what I just heard! The police figured out what the code means! It was that guys criminal record he had been recording in his own code.” “Oh, that’s really good. We can live at home now.  Guess what? Jake gave me free tickets to the Super Bowl next week! We have to go!” Jim screamed. “Okay. That should be a lot of fun!”