This morning during my cohort meeting, James revealed that we are now one third of the way into the senior project experience. After the meeting, James talked to me individually about how I have been spending the last few weeks. He recognized the benefit of some of the studies and tests I had done before today, however he was concerned that I had not touched my final piece yet. He expressed that I was being too precious with my work, and looking back at it I can see that. As I researched artists, made dozens of sketches, studying anatomy, and perfected my new method of painting, I was hoping that my preliminary efforts would insure the success of my piece. James had to remind me that I can never eliminate the chance of creating a bad piece, and if I did create one, that would be fine; It only becomes a problem when the month I spent preparing for it is wasted for one poor painting. Another problem is that the spontaneity of picture making can create nice aesthetics. The more I tighten and prepare this piece, the more I lose that room for spontaneity. Overall, any piece has the chance to be good or bad. And there is value in busting out tons of good and bad pieces as that would boost my learning curve.

This is not the first time I spent weeks preparing for a painting, nor is this the first time James advised me to quicken the pace. This is something I have to work on, but James and I know the answer is not completely erasing my preliminary practices. There is value in testing several color harmonies and studying the anatomy of the pose. From what I have experienced, those practices can also generate a lot of learning. Looking back at my catalogue of artwork, I feel that I work well at a slower pace, however I do need to find a better balance. While drawing, I do notice my fear of creating bad work affecting my every move. This fear creates trepidation.

For example, after receiving James’ advice I jumped into the final piece. I am currently in the middle of the drawing stage—after this, I will color it with watercolor. As I draw, I can sense my fear telling me to take time away from it and slow down. In instances, this fear helps me avoid making big mistakes. However, while making this drawing I am pushing myself to be a little quicker; Not to bust out dozens of pieces, but to get over this fear. Moving forward, while maintaining my preliminary practices, I will be more aware of when my fear is controlling me.